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Are You in Love With Me or the Idea of Me?

Sophie Simons
February 21, 2024

Love is a mysterious and powerful feeling that can fly you to the moon or push you to the ground. On many occasions, you can feel that you are dancing among the stars; other times, it can be overwhelmingly painful.

Yet, with the power of true love, you can conquer all fears and can look forward to a bright future. However, love can also be tricky at times. It can make you doubt your feelings as well as your partner’s toward you.

But how can you tell whether his love is genuine? And what can lead you to believe that he fell in love only with the idea of you? These are some of the questions that will be answered below, so keep reading and find out!

What does it mean?

There is a fine line between being in love and being in love with an ideal. One may feel deeply about their partner, thinking that they are “The One”, when in fact, they have just fallen for a fantasy. Oftentimes, people rush into relationships before getting to know their partner well enough, and later, this could lead to one or even both of them getting deeply hurt.

It’s important to clarify your feelings before rushing into anything. Do you know each other, or do your minds fill out the gaps with pure imagination? 

The meaning of being in love

First things first, it’s essential to clarify the meaning of the two terms. Love is an exceptional and long-lasting feeling. It means that you care deeply about your partner, whom you understand and know well. It is also conscious. You love your partner for hundreds of reasons, and you do it unconditionally.

Everyone changes and an ever-lasting love means that you stick with each other despite those changes. It is normal not to love everything about your partner as nobody’s perfect, and everyone has better and worse qualities. The combination of these makes you unique.

When in love, you accept and appreciate those qualities. In a healthy relationship, effective communication is vital. It is necessary for both parties to be able to express their doubts, fears, dreams, and concerns. Another sign of love is enthusiasm for one another.

This can be just as empowering as your feelings toward each other. When you are in a healthy relationship, both you and your partner want to lift each other and want to encourage the other to try new things out.

Moreover, in a relationship that is based on trust, openness, and mutual respect, both parties can be honest without being concerned about their partner’s reaction. Whether it’s just a simple hobby or a to take up a yoga class, you should naturally cherish your partner’s good ideas.

Everyone wants to believe that their partner’s love is true and sincere; however, some signs might indicate otherwise.

The meaning of being in love with the idea

Being in love with the idea of someone refers to an idealized version of that person. Sometimes, this goes unnoticed even by the person doing so. On many occasions, the roots of the problem might be traced back to the beginning of the relationship. You both might have rushed into it, thinking that you are going to get to know each other while dating.

You might have even confessed your love to each other without either of you knowing that it is not true. This is why it is essential to analyze your feelings toward one another and clarify them. Being in love with an idea is similar to a sphere that you are trying to squeeze into a square.

The problem might be that you don’t know each other deeply, only superficially. Your partner might have an idea of the kind of woman he should date and the kind of future they should have together. It is a self-narrative, a story that he created about how his future should escalate. 

Three signs that show your partner is in love with the idea of you

1. Dissatisfaction

The ideal reflects his needs and desires in a relationship and he’s probably expecting you to meet his expectations. If you catch your partner constantly being dissatisfied with your behavior, it might be a sign that he doesn’t love you for yourself. 

2. Pressure

Another sign could be that your partner always daydreams about your future together and doesn’t appreciate your present as much. These fantasies could create unreal expectations on his part, and most likely, he is not going to meet you halfway.

You are probably feeling the pressure already because of these expectations, thinking that anything you do is simply not good enough. It can appear in even the most simple things like your appearance and it can lead to more than occasional conflict in the relationship.

Imagine this: You are going to an event with your partner, and you decide to wear something less minimalistic and a bit more revealing. You feel confident and enthusiastic as you are preparing yourself.

However, as your partner sees you, he does not give you the sweetheart compliment that you’ve expected to receive, but rather a dissatisfied look. He even asks you to change as your appearance is not as simple as he wanted it to be. 

In this case, you could not meet your partner’s expectations and you are probably feeling hurt. Even though you wanted him to like your appearance, it was not the case.

3. Lack of interest

Another sign could be that he is more interested in your social status or appearance than in your personality. You might be the popular one at college, school, or your job, and you feel like you have swapped people off their feet, especially your partner.

In such cases, your partner might be in love only with your status rather than you. As everyone else wanted you, your significant other wanted you as well.

Loving vs loving the idea of someone

The main difference between the two is that love is long-lasting and doesn’t happen from one moment to another. You probably know your partner deeply that you are in love with, including his dreams, fears, likes, and dislikes, as you are already past the phase where you are getting to know each other.

Being in love with the idea of someone can be strong, too; however, as you and your partner don’t know each other well, you might be imagining some of their qualities that they might not even have. This might create unreal expectations towards each other that can potentially ruin your relationship in the long run.

Love is also supposed to last for decades. If you believe that you have found the one, then you cannot imagine your future without your partner. In contrast, when what you are feeling is not genuine love, you can still see your future with someone who possesses the qualities that you desire in a partner.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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