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5 Signs of Trauma Bonding You Need To Know

Matilda Alvarez
March 14, 2024

Being in a relationship, the worst that can occur is encountering a trauma bond. But surprisingly, many people don’t even realize their association is getting toxic and abusive. 

See, every relationship stands over trust and respect, but sometimes your trust is teetering on the edge, and you get doubts not about loyalty but about reliability.

You’ve probably heard the advice a million times, “Trust your gut feeling.” 

However, for decisions regarding personal bonds, you need to be extra sure about your intuition. Yes, you read that right.

So, “How’s your relationship shaping up with your partner?” – Think about this for a moment. 

It might be the answer: “I feel appreciated at one moment and insulted at the other.” Is this exactly what you feel?

If yes, you are unfortunately suffering from a trauma bond where sometimes you are wounded by words and even abused physically, which shouldn’t be acceptable.

To clearly predict your condition, you need to consider the below signs to confirm if you have an abusive attachment with your partner. Let’s have a look:

5 Signs That Show You Are In a Toxic Cycle

You must be here to prevent the guilt you may face if you jump to the conclusion without investigating symptoms properly.

So, let’s dig into the most common clues that guarantee the trauma bond. 

1. You Accept the Cycle of Abuse

Usually, it is easy to leave a person when all you realize about him/her is that he/she is bad. 

But what if they give you mixed signals? Are you going through the same situation where his mood swings switch instantly?

Well, remember that abusers do not always treat you improperly.

Instead, they try to maintain a cycle that confuses you about whether they really love you or just play a dirty game.

The cycle goes like this:

  • They will appreciate your existence in their life
  • Wins your trust 
  • Starts to criticize you with words
  • May abuse you physically 
  • Asks for an apology, claiming they love you, and that was just frustration
  • Again, gaining your trust

This cycle goes on; that person uses you as a punching bag, spoils you continuously, and, in the end, gives false excuses. 

What about you? Is it even tolerable?

But after all this, you still forgive them, giving them another chance to hurt you with sexual, emotional, verbal, and physical abuse — just because you’re in love.

2. You Make Excuses For His Rough Attitude 

According to the Gender Data Portal, 26% of women have faced abuse at least once in their life. 

Do you know where you stand wrong? 

Well, this is when you cover your partner’s abuse by saying: It’s not that severe; maybe he is frustrated; I have made him behave like this, and some even say, “I deserve this.”

You drown in making your relationship survive by accepting his excuses and believing his words. But darling, this isn’t worth it.

Not only this, but some abusers are so shameless that they make their partners believe that this never happened. Like seriously??

Ultimately, the sufferer questions their sanity and starts to consider the deceptional scenario they used — and recounts it to themselves and others. 

Bear in mind there’s simply no justification for emotional or physical violence — no matter what.

3. You Still Want To Please The Abuser 

Can I be totally honest with you? In this whole plot, you are the victim and assailant at the same time. 

Now, you might be wondering how. Let me explain.

Being stuck in a traumatic bond, you lose your senses; you believe what is a mere illusion and try to settle with such an unbearable situation. 

We’re not through yet. On one side, you settle for less-than-ideal circumstances, and then, you try to gladden that nasty offender. 

According to NIH, muggers might create a considerable hurdle for maltreated women, declining their power to stay away from aggressive relations. 

There’s no doubt that attachment makes you do all this, but you need to overcome this affection for them.

Reconsider your priorities of a good partner and a healthy relationship. 

4. You Are Trying to Alienate

The dirty trick your partner is playing with is that he is portraying himself as the only trustworthy person in your life, and you can only rely on him.

Imagine what it would be like living with such a person who distances you from your loved ones. He tries to fit this in your mind, saying that nobody wants you to be happy. Getting my point?

And guess what? You believe them blindly and distance yourself from people who try to protect you from being addicted to a toxic person. Pity you!

This mess helps him to play defenselessly – knowing no one is here to get you out of this trouble.

In this situation, you can seriously be in a never-ending battle, as you don’t know whether to trust the apple of your eye or the bosom buddies who want you to end this jumble. 

5. You Are Expecting Them to Change 

Sometimes, you fixate on good times, forgetting the ill-treatment you suffered, all in the hope that will change for you and you can fix them. 

You forget that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Wishing for the best is a healthy thing, but closing your eyes to avoid reality can bring destructive results. Mark my words!

That person is just self-centered and self-obsessed and also uses people like tissue paper, and you’re here waiting for the time he improves himself for you. Poor people don’t get delusional!

You are worthy; you deserve an already disciplined man — believe me.

Above all, you don’t need to suffer with a toxic relationship trying to fix a crack person. Come on; he is a grown-up man, not an innocent toddler. 

So yes, waiting for them to change is another trait that confirms abusive attachment disorder on your side. 


Trauma bonding is undeniably considered a product of interpersonal trauma. People surviving in such conditions don’t even realize what mess they are creating for themselves. 

No doubt, being patient and forgiving is good for a healthy relationship.

But what if your bond is bringing damaging results? Then, the only way to help yourself is by rethinking whether you are going right or wasting your time on a wrong relationship.

People suffering from toxic attachments need constant assurance that, yes, they are shattered by such abusive behavior, and they need to change their perception of an abuser. 

That’s why we tried to help you with some signs indicating you are trapped in a vicious cycle. 

This will allow you to identify your weaknesses and figure out a way to get out of them in the best possible way.

Don’t take any sign for granted, and have a blissful personal development and self-love journey.

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Matilda Alvarez

Matilda Alvarez

I am a professional writer and editor based in Melbourne, Australia. I am a researcher in the environmental sciences and have a passion for the natural world, wellness, and the written word. Through my studies and freelancing career, I have become well-practiced in creating engaging, concise, and digestible prose for readers to enjoy. In my spare time, I enjoy practicing yoga, and meditation, exploring beautiful Australian landscapes, and reading a good book.

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