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He Doesn’t Love You Back: Signs, Reasons Why & Things To Do

Sophie Simons
January 24, 2024

It can be hard falling for someone, especially when you find out they don’t feel the same way. Unrequited love is a relationship that happens when someone you love doesn't love you back. So, how can you tell it's not being reciprocated, and what should you do once you’re sure?

3 Signs He Doesn’t Feel The Same Way

1. They Don’t Initiate

Do you feel like you’re the one always trying to get in touch with them, make plans, or just generally be around them, while they don’t seem to mind about any of that? One clear sign that someone isn’t into you is the lack of effort on their end when it comes to your interactions with each other.

In fact, while you’re putting in a lot of effort in your interactions, such as thinking of things they want to do that suit their interests and setting time aside just for them, it seems they aren’t willing to make the same sacrifices.

They may even tend to make excuses, cancel plans, or just flat-out say they aren’t interested.

2. No Spark

Do they seem just as excited to talk to you as you are talking to them? Do they look like they’re always distracted on their phone even when you’re having a conversation, or will they even talk over you about something they want to say?

If someone actually isn’t interested in you, they won’t ask about your day or how you’re feeling. Or, if they do, it’ll be at a surface level, after which they’ll move on to the next thing without asking you to elaborate. They will not share in your joys, sorrows, or other expressions of emotion you’ll have.

3. Like They’re Not Even There

If you like someone, you may find yourself trying to get to know them more and taking an interest in their hobbies, plans, and thoughts about various things. Basically, you want to learn more and more about how they are as a person.

Unfortunately, if your feelings are unrequited, you will feel that your curiosity is not being reciprocated. If you’re feeling down or upset, they may not really be supportive. They might not even notice if something is different with you that day, like a new haircut or a killer outfit.

They might even just be on their phone or talking about something else while you suffer without being acknowledged. Of course, not being acknowledged by someone you love leaves you feeling lonely and vulnerable.

3 Reasons Why He Feels Different

1. There’s Someone Else

It may not be a fact you’re not aware of yet, but it’s possible that he may already be in another relationship or already have feelings for somebody else. Maybe you’ve seen him looking at his texts with a smile or a laugh and being obsessed with getting a response.

It’s possible that they’re already committed and didn’t think it was important to tell you, which is yet another red flag of someone that you may need to leave behind.

2. Just Like Everyone

This may hurt to hear, but it’s possible that the guy you’ve fallen head over heels for simply doesn’t feel the same way because he sees you just like everyone else. He may see you as just a friend, a co-worker, a schoolmate, or a mere acquaintance.

It’s likely that maybe you don’t really have that much in common or that your personalities just don’t mesh well together. Either way, his views about you probably won’t change if he’s already made up his mind.

3. Too Much Going On

The man may have too much happening at the moment to bother with your advances. Maybe he’s having trouble in some aspect, or he’s already got enough close relationships that he doesn’t have time for another one.

He may be aware that you have feelings for him but is just trying to ignore your advances as a way of letting you down gently. Perhaps he’s hoping that your feelings will go away over time as long as he doesn’t acknowledge them or say anything about it. 

3 Things To Do 

1. Make Your Feelings Clear

Sometimes, feelings are easy to spot. Other times, you need to make yourself absolutely clear. The best way to do this is often to be open about what you’re feeling, especially if you’re in a relationship.

If you’re feeling unappreciated, or you want to make sure you’re right about his feelings and intentions, it may be best to speak up and ask frankly. Perhaps there was some miscommunication, or some problem he’s facing that’s causing him to act differently.

However, if he doesn’t have strong feelings for you, you will at least get the closure you need, and you can begin to move on. It is also important for you to look within yourself and deal with the leftover grievances and heartaches that will come from breaking things off. You shouldn’t think that it didn’t work because you “weren’t enough.”

Take some time to make some reflections and come out better and brighter from the experience.

2. Distance Yourself

Becoming too absorbed or obsessed with someone who does not and will not offer the same care and attention to you will only leave you feeling miserable. So, the next step when you find out it’s not working out is to let go and distance yourself from him and the situation.

Studies show that you often develop feelings for someone the more that you’re in contact with them. Thus, one proven way to get over someone is to spend less and less time with them. It will not only cause your feelings to simmer down but also let you move on to the next step.

3. Find Other Things or People

These torturous feelings of one-sided love can only keep you from the other things in your life that could make you happy. You should instead spend more time with the people who will enjoy your company, such as friends and family members.

They can offer a lot of much-needed support to you and even give you a different perspective as you ponder what happened before. If you don’t want to keep thinking about it, they can also bring you out to have a good time and maybe even meet new people who may be more compatible and caring towards you.

How To Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You Back

Science found that a lot of the emotional and physical pain we feel goes through the same circuits, which is why not being loved back can cause so much suffering. Falling out of love from an unrequited love takes a lot of self-reflection, time, and discipline, as already stated.

You may need to check yourself and see if you’re the type who falls easily or gets attached to the wrong people. If you realize this and other patterns you may have, you can start working on yourself and finding someone who will appreciate you for you.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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