The only thing that you will find constant in your life is uncertainty, while everything else just remains chaotic. And one of the uncertain things that we just can’t have any control over is love. No matter how hard we try to keep ourselves away from that kind of chaos, sometimes we end up falling in love, and that too with a married man!
Does this sound like your situation? If you’ve fallen in love with a married man without even thinking (because, let’s face it, love happens without a reason), then this guide is for you. Let’s find out how to deal with this sticky affair without hurting yourself or the person you’ve fallen for!
The way that you’re thinking about the person you’ve fallen in love with will not be the same for them. Most of the time, married men don’t prefer having a serious relationship with the woman they’re having an affair with.
This is simply because they’re scared. Scared of losing their wife, losing the respect that the kids have for him (if he has kids), and most importantly and often, losing the whole facade he has created for the people around his life.
And you should know that you’re in such a tough spot, and it’s not even your fault because you can’t help the feelings you have for him. Think about these factors:
Trust is something that makes or breaks the deal in every relationship, and dating a married man is where it should be present more than ever. This is where the concept of once a cheater, always a cheater comes in. Think about this: how much does his wife know about your affair?
Has he told her everything going on between you two, or is she still in the dark about it? Try to keep yourself in her position and think, is it fair if he’s still lying to her?
And at this point, you start thinking that if he can hide something so big from his wife (who he loved too at some point), then what’s stopping him from lying to you as well? Don’t believe in his words; let his actions speak louder.
According to Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., professor of psychology at California State University, most men cheat on a relationship because they feel that one woman cannot satisfy their sexual drive. Is this fling with the person really love for him as well, or is he just using you to satisfy his needs?
What he might be taking as a no-strings-attached kind of thing is, most of the time, the opposite for women because women are more emotional and fall in love more deeply because they feel the chemistry. This is where you have to keep boundaries if you feel it's only a physical thing for them.
If you're saying, "I'm in love with a married man," it means you're in a difficult position. The bitter truth is that legally, financially, and emotionally, you don't have a place in this relationship.
Dating a married man can cause problems, and even though he might seem nice, you can’t deny that he's practical because he hasn't left his wife. This means he can't be there for you in the way a single partner could be.
Even if he acts as he cares, like calling you every day, remember that it's a secret for both of you. That secrecy adds an element of fear to the relationship.
Has he been postponing plans with you every single time? A day? A week? Or perhaps he said he would be back from his “business trip” soon, and then he would see you. You only see him when he wants to see you. You don’t go out in public places often and forget about spending a peaceful night at home with him.
Don't wait around forever. Life is short, and there could be someone better for you. Tell him you cannot wait indefinitely and that he needs to decide what he wants soon. If he can't, it's okay to respect yourself and move on.
Now that you can see what the problem really is with dating a married man, you need to find ways to fall out of this love before it’s too late. Here are some factors to consider:
We get it. Dating a married man can be an exciting thing: the secret makes it thrilling, the physical intimacy is great, and you like that he prefers you over his wife. But then you slowly start to think about how it’s affecting your life.
Before these emotions start to control every choice you make, you still have the authority to end this affair right then and there. It will be a very painful process for you because you were the one who fell in love first, but freeing yourself from this situation will be good for your well-being.
Now that you’ve decided that it’s finally time to end it, you have to first know the things that will come your way. Maybe it could be the fact that he cares about you as no other man does, you hope that you will have a future with him, or maybe you’re just too attached to let him go. Make a list of everything that’s stopping you from leaving him; this will give you the strength to take action.
At this point, you have to be the one who breaks up with him. Your decision to end things should be final and leave no room for him to make amends or excuses. Make a firm decision to end the affair. Just think about your own happiness and how you could be spending your life with a person who prioritizes you more than anything and someone who definitely doesn't have a wife.
It’s done now. You’ve cut ties with him and even your first breakup didn’t hurt this much. But you have to slowly start building your life from scratch. Find a new hobby, call a girl's night out, get a new job, or change your way of living. Plan out your future plans.
Don't wait around for the married man. There is plenty of fish in the dating pool, and you can find new people very easily now with dating apps, social media, and bar hopping. Once you start dating again, you will actually realize that you were wasting your time waiting for someone who was already committed to his wife. And most importantly, take your time and learn from the last experience. Don’t jump into a relationship right off the bat.
The realization has come to you that you’re in love with someone you shouldn’t be with. It feels forbidden, illegal, and even criminal, but it’s just love. Love is one of the most helpless emotions that we have absolutely no control over, but there are ways to fall out slowly.
Take your time to take a step back from this relationship, and if you feel that the man is genuinely in love with you, then ask him to pursue it. That will be the deciding point for both of you.