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5 Signs A Man Has Not Been Sexually Active 

Sophie Simons
February 25, 2024

Often, it’s presumed that men are more sexually active than most women. In fact, men can be sexually inexperienced or inactive for as long as years. The reasons are not always straightforward, but when dating someone, their dating history is the first thing most people want to find out.

Why he decides to be inactive can be a multifaceted choice, typically due to some of the following:

  1. Sexual inexperience – lack of confidence
  2. Little opportunity – perhaps life circumstances leave little opportunity
  3. Hectic lifestyle – busy with career 
  4. Dynamics of a relationship – the relationship has unresolved issues, disconnect
  5. Mental health – bouts of extreme stress or depression
  6. Health concerns – general health concerns; hormonal imbalance
  7. Personal choice – choosing abstinence

What Are The Signs A Man Has Been Sexually Inactive?

When a man has been sexually inactive or is sexually inexperienced, the people he’s dating can usually tell by the vibe he puts out. While men are not typically straightforward with their feelings and emotions, their body language is telling. Here are signs to show that the man you’re seeing hasn’t had sex recently.

1. Revealing his body is intimidating

When a man is sexually inexperienced, revealing his body will be intimidating; he’ll be shy. He might feel that he is out of shape or is just uncomfortable for someone to look at him in that way. If you have someone who feels self-conscious about themself, the best approach is to reassure him that you’re more interested in who he is and not what he looks like.

If he has minimal experience, he will be extremely uncomfortable, so you’ll need to pay close attention to his body language. If he tries to keep himself covered and doesn’t want to remove items of clothing, it speaks to the fact this is new for him. It will be important to take things gradually, allowing him to take his time and grow comfortable.

In time, he’ll gain confidence. If that doesn’t happen and you want to pursue a relationship, you need to have an open, vulnerable conversation after a certain amount of time passes.

2. He becomes exasperated at the sight of skin

When women bear skin either in strappy dresses or low-cut tops, many men become exasperated; it’s relatively natural. However, if the guy you see gets out of breath at the sight of something minimally revealing, it’s a sign he’s inexperienced sexually. Seeing a woman in anything that even slightly shows her body will take him by surprise.

This can be taken as a complement in some ways. He’s already excited at the very sight of you, making it obvious that he desires you. In this situation, if he shows hesitance in the bedroom, you’ll need to just give him a little bit of time because he has shown that he wants to have sex. Maybe he’s dealing with heartbreak or rejection, and he’s unsure of himself.

With a little encouragement on your part, he’ll see that you won’t reject him but instead are a willing partner. 

3. Being the hero

It sounds a little cliche in this day and age but men still want to be the hero for women. They want to make an impression and be gentlemen, and some haven’t slept with a lot of women. When women know how to trigger the “hero instinct,” it strokes many men’s egos. They want to love and cherish the woman and commit exclusively.

You can enjoy a free video on the whole concept of the “hero instinct” by a gentleman, James Bauer. The idea essentially is to merely know a few key things to say to a man to make him feel like the hero and that he only wants you. His inexperience and lack of sexual activity won’t matter when he finds that he holds this place in your life.

It masculates him and helps to improve his self-esteem if this has been lacking. That will provide confidence for him to initiate sex.

4. Irritation/stress are plaguing him

A man who has been sexually inactive will often be somewhat more irritable or stressed than one who has been seeing women. He hasn’t had the opportunity to release his stressors in quite some time. He could also have unresolved problems cropping up from his past. With this guy, you’ll want to be more relaxed, allowing him to vent his frustrations.

This can sometimes be a negative first impression from the start but you have the benefit of being under no obligation to stick around if things get too intense. If you want to explore the relationship, it will require a soft step and a bit more kindness. You’ll need to be different from what he’s experienced in the past.

That requires compassion, empathy, and allowing time for him to work through the issues he’s dealing with. He’ll be grateful for someone who listens and tries to understand.

5. Kissing him is arousing

When a man has minimal experience, kissing him can quickly turn him on. If you notice he gets extremely excited and things become heated while kissing him, it’s a sign that he hasn’t been with many women or at least hasn’t in a while. When a man has been with many women, they don’t find a kiss as exhilarating.

Someone inexperienced will find the slightest touch arousing. When you notice his excitement, let him know you enjoy being with him, too.


Most men won’t give away their thoughts and feelings willingly. They prefer to keep emotions and vulnerabilities to themself. That makes it difficult to know what their previous dating life was like or their sexual experiences. Fortunately, body language with a man can be very revealing. 

You can use the signs he gives away to know whether he’s sexually active or hasn’t been in a while or at all. It’s also perfectly okay to ask a new partner whether they’ve had many sexual partners for your own protection. Most men will understand having this discussion and be open to it.

For those with limited or no experience, it’s a matter of taking things slowly until he becomes comfortable with you and the relationship. His confidence will grow, and then things will develop naturally.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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