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4 Warning Signs a Married Man Is Using You

Matilda Alvarez
February 26, 2024

In the beginning, dating a married man can feel like a positive experience. These men know how to sweep women off their feet, make them feel as though they’re the only one that exists in the world and offer countless promises. In your eyes, this budding relationship is bound for good things; he meets all that you’ve been looking for. 

Unfortunately, this man belongs to someone else. When dating a married man, you have to wonder whether his behavior is real or if he’s using you. In many cases, when a man is using you, you’ll feel as though you’re an inconvenience. When you need him to be available, either emotionally or otherwise, he disappoints you, making your needs and demands seem invalid.

It seems the only time he has an interest in you is when he has a desire or something he wants. With each interaction, the focus is on him. The red flag for you should be the fact that he isn’t invested in developing a deeper interest or learning more about you as a person. 

If he doesn’t share your enthusiasm or care about satisfying your needs in the same way you’re meeting his, he has little care for you. If any of this sounds like the relationship you’re in, he is indeed using you. Follow along for some obvious red flags to be mindful of so you can move on to a more healthy partnership.

What Are Some Obvious Signs A Married Man Is Using You?

When dating a married man, the chance that he will use you to stroke his ego more so than develop a fulfilling, long-lasting relationship is relatively high. Many married men have affairs simply to satisfy personal, a partnership of convenience and selfishness more so than care and affection.

If you’re seeing a married man, a priority is to consider whether his behavior seems credible or if he’s merely using you for personal gratification. Have you met those in his social circle? Do you go out together for dates, dinner, or in public? Does he see you in the evenings or on weekends? Is he meeting your personal desires and needs?

If he’s not reciprocating your excitement over what the future might hold for the two of you or won’t even discuss it, he’s likely using you. Here are some red flags making it obvious that he has other motives that don’t match yours.

1. Promises are made indicating he will leave his wife for you

Each time he mentions leaving his wife to be with you, an excuse prevents him from doing so. Either his career is becoming hectic, they’re separated but have to live together making it necessary that you stay away to avoid potential problems, maybe there’s an illness in the family, and on and on. 

There are so many excuses, you’ve lost count and don’t know what to believe except perhaps you’re getting the runaround. You should go with your instincts that he has no intention of leaving his wife, at least not in the near future. Married men can go on like this for months or even years.

Their take on the matter is that they can “have their cake and eat it too.” Why ruin a good thing? They don’t have to go through a divorce but they have their desires and needs met as they wish by another woman. Win-win.

2. He’s manipulative

Whenever you need him, he’s unavailable but claims to love you and that you are everything to him. The odd thing is he’s never been curious enough to find out anything personal about you or ask meaningful questions. He wants loyalty and exclusivity but only on your side. He, on the other hand, can act as he pleases.

While seeing him, you haven’t been able to share the relationship with close friends or family. In fact, these relationships have suffered since you started seeing him. You lack intimacy and closeness, but he receives comfort, sex, and reassurance. When the relationship inconsistencies are revealed, he brings on the charm or tries to make himself appear to be the victim.

When these things don’t work, he pacifies the situation by buying lavish gifts.

3. He has a habit of disappearing

The married man can have times when he disappears, sometimes for as long as months without even a text. You might heal from the sudden ending when, all of a sudden, he surprises you with a bouquet of flowers relating a story about his marriage, hoping you’ll feel sorry for him. This constant pattern is one you’re growing tired of. He’s inconsistent in so many ways.

When he makes promises, he doesn’t follow through. Anytime you need him, he makes excuses or is unavailable. He has a habit of letting you down. He disappears when it’s important to you, but when he has wants or desires, you need to drop everything and make yourself available regardless of what you might have going on.

This is a clear sign that he’s using you for his own selfish reasons and anything important to you is irrelevant.

4. You’re his emotional support

A married man complains he can’t talk to his wife. Instead, he pours his emotional baggage on you, vents his frustrations, and lets go of his stresses. If you need to talk about things bothering you, he closes down. He doesn’t want to offer emotional support. 

Your concerns are the last thing he cares about. He changes the subject to his problems when you attempt to discuss your worries. If you’re too demanding, he might disappear and expect you to handle your issues on your own. The empathy that you crave is lost on a married man who claims to truly care and love you but is, in fact, using you.

A man with genuine feelings will try to help you work through your difficulties in the same way you support him. Men in love want to protect their partners and help them find a solution if they can. At the very least, they will listen. A man using you will not be concerned about your overall well-being.


This man will never be able to give you the intimate, mutual relationship you’re looking for. You’ll need to come to terms with the reality of your circumstances so you can move forward to a more healthy partnership. 

With you being invested and him not, he’ll continue to take advantage of that. And if you keep letting him, you could waste years stuck in this toxic arrangement. The healthiest reaction is to cut off ties, communication, and contact. Block him, delete his number, and avoid seeing him in public

It might seem drastic, but this will set you free from the deceit. It will take time to heal and work on yourself but this can be a learning experience to avoid future recurrences. Take the opportunity to talk to close friends or, better, a professional counselor to guide you through the process and help you move toward a healthy relationship.

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Matilda Alvarez

Matilda Alvarez

I am a professional writer and editor based in Melbourne, Australia. I am a researcher in the environmental sciences and have a passion for the natural world, wellness, and the written word. Through my studies and freelancing career, I have become well-practiced in creating engaging, concise, and digestible prose for readers to enjoy. In my spare time, I enjoy practicing yoga, and meditation, exploring beautiful Australian landscapes, and reading a good book.

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