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4 Main Signs Of Lesbianism

Sophie Simons
March 7, 2024

No one wants to share their sexual curiosities or experimentations. Many times, these are based on confusion over where they might fit and the misconception that if they don’t follow the “normal” societal stereotype, there must be something wrong with them. The acceptable societal standard is a heterosexual lifestyle in this country and most others.

If people don’t fit that mold, they fear possible repercussions, including rejection of their choices and, worse, breaking laws in many countries. Still, if you’re a man who finds a woman attractive and she avoids your advances, it’s possible she’s a lesbian. It can be subtle signs or more evident.

It’s not your place nor your business to directly ask someone about their sexual orientation unless you’re invested in a relationship with this person. 

The adult thing when someone isn’t interested when you pursue them is to pay attention to the signs that her interests lie elsewhere – perhaps with other women and respect her choices. If she is a lesbian, she will be uncomfortable when you make passes.

Generally, if she’s in a heterosexual relationship, it’s only for the appearance. The relationship will be mostly one-sided, with her preferring to spend time with her girlfriends. Instead of worrying that you’re doing something wrong or that it’s your fault, this is a circumstance where you have a reason to ask if she’s attracted to women.

What Are Signs That She Is A Lesbian?

If you’re invested in a heterosexual relationship with a girl who doesn’t seem interested in the partnership but instead acts as if she would rather be with her girlfriends, it’s natural to want to know if she’s a lesbian. In fact, it wouldn’t be too forward to ask her that question since she willingly became involved with you.

The problem is not with you, and it’s her need to put on appearances to satisfy what she believes is a societal expectation. Unfortunately, you’re a casualty of her need to follow that “norm.” How can you make sure to avoid that situation in the future? Make sure you see the signs before becoming involved. Here are a few of the more obvious signs of lesbianism.

1. Preferences with style

Stereotyping is never okay and it’s not always accurate but in many cases this is an obvious sign of lesbianism. Most of the women are subtle in their dress. If she prefers a tomboyish dress style, her clothing is usually somewhat larger in size than she needs. She’ll choose some men’s apparel like pencil ties or flannel shirts. 

Whether dressing tomboy or feminine, a lesbian will generally wear an accessory that signifies their LGBTQ lifestyle, these can include rings, rainbow pins, or bracelets, subtle pieces that don’t shout their details to the world, but they can take comfort that they are identifying themself in some way.

The overall stereotype, if you want to stick with that word for a lesbian, is subtlety, whether dressing in a more tomboy outfit with pants low and Chuck Taylors or a feminine gown to go to the office Christmas party.

2. Nails Are Clipped

Fingernails are not something most lesbians will have done at the salon. These women prefer to keep their nails clipped instead of adding extensions or having manicures. These would be inconsistent with an intimate lesbian relationship. When you’re with a lesbian partner, you want to avoid extended or sharp nails for the discomfort you can cause your mate.

That’s not saying that straight women don’t have clipped or short nails also. Writers who type constantly often have their nails clipped for ease with their work. Also athletes keep their nails cut back to avoid the potential for harming their teammates. Musicians will also avoid long nails in order to play comfortably.

While, again, you can’t stereotype. You can start to combine the signs and get an idea of who might be a lesbian.

3. No intercourse

A lesbian won’t have intercourse with a man. In many cases, lesbians don’t have many positive things to say about men unless they happen to have a close male friend. It doesn’t mean she won’t date a man to make a public appearance of heterosexuality before coming out publicly but the relationship won’t progress to intercourse.

She might sleep with you, lie down with you, but she will ensure that there is no intercourse. That doesn’t mean she is a virgin but her preference is to have sex with women. If you have a girlfriend you’ve slept with several times but she avoids having intercourse with you, she’s likely a lesbian.

Once or twice, you could probably understand. But if you’ve been together for a while, it makes sense to ask the question. Most men will believe their girlfriend is cheating on them first and then ask about sexual orientation.

4. Touching is essential

Most lesbian women enjoy physical touch with other women and will find ways to pass by someone with an excuse to touch them. This can be a matter of swiping their hand across their shoulders, touching their arm, or reaching out for their hand in order to make contact. The ladies are exceptionally physical.

Some women will get into friendly bouts of wrestling, hold hands when having a discussion at a dinner party, sit close together with arms entwined, and initiate contact with another woman in what appears to be innocent but reveals lesbian tendencies. These ladies will enjoy these opportunities for female contact, whether in a heterosexual relationship or not.

They merely want to have the touch of another woman and the men don’t think anything of the behavior until other signs begin to present themselves.


Many of the signs of lesbianism on their own can be construed as stereotyping and can actually work for straight women as well in particular situations. But when you start to combine the signs, it can separate lesbian women from those who are straight.

If you’re invested in a heterosexual relationship with a woman you believe might be a lesbian, someone who isn’t having intercourse with you and hasn’t for a while now, it’s okay to ask the question instead of continuing down a path that will ultimately end with you being hurt.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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