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10 Things To Do When You Can’t Get Her off Your Mind

Sophie Simons
January 21, 2024

Trying to stop thinking about that special someone is difficult, especially when they’ve been a part of your life for a long time. Identifying the reason, practicing things like distraction, and just accepting what’s happened are the first steps to letting go. Let’s look at ten strategies that can be used to set your mind at ease and get her out of your head for good.

1. Find out why

One of the first steps to getting someone off your mind is figuring out the why. Did things fail because of what you did or from her actions? It’s important to take a step back and not get emotionally involved in figuring out why.

You want to be logical and methodical and get the why of things correct. What you don’t want to do is start making up scenarios in your head and make things worse. Just stick to the facts.

2. Accept, don’t reject

Practicing acceptance is a great way to get over someone and heal yourself. We tend to confuse how we feel with what has happened, which is what gets in the way of acceptance. Acceptance and commitment therapy, or ACT, has been used by clinicians to help patients with a whole host of issues, including getting over a nasty breakup.

ACT is an evidence-based, heavily researched cognitive and behavioral therapy that focuses on patients accepting parts of themself that they might not want. ACT is also adaptable and can change depending on the needs of the individual. 

3. Try journaling

Dr. James Pennebaker is considered to be the mastermind behind therapeutic journaling. Journaling is simple—you write down your thoughts daily and how you feel about them. Be honest with yourself and write down how you actually feel; don’t hold back.

It allows you to get all your emotions out instead of bottling them up, and this is how journaling works. Once all your emotions are out, it makes it easier to finally let go.

4. Find a healthy distraction

A great practice to get someone off your mind is a distraction. Now, there are healthy and unhealthy distractions. Let’s go over a few to give you a good idea of what they are.

Here are some positive things that you can do:

  • Go for a run
  • Go to the gym
  • Read a book 
  • Enjoy a video game or two 
  • Watch your favorite YouTuber
  • Write in your journal.

Avoid things like the following:

  • Drinking too much 
  • Doing illegal drugs
  • Self-blame 
  • Blaming her
  • Keeping your emotions in instead of letting them out

 These things tend to spiral out of control, and that’s not what you want.

5. Practice self-discovery

If you were asked, “Who are you?” how would you answer? Do you know who you are, how you act, and how you treat others? What do you like to do? A journey of self-discovery can not only let you know more about yourself but also act as a great way to keep you distracted.

6. Stop looking at their social media

Yes, this sounds like it’s impossible, and everyone is guilty of this to some degree—but you need to stop looking at her social media. Constantly being reminded of good times or seeing her with someone else isn’t going to do you any good. This also presents a great opportunity to give social media a break and get yourself involved in something else.

Do yourself a favor and just stay away.

7. Focus on yourself and your needs

You’re a human being, you have needs, put more of your energy into that. It’s not healthy to ignore your well-being by hyperfocusing on someone who’s not in your life anymore. A human being has emotional, psychological, and physical needs.

If she’s not in your life anymore because of a breakup, then you have some emotional needs to fill. Go out on a date, go talk to someone, and hang out with some friends. You’ll feel better knowing that there’s a future out there for you that doesn’t include her.

8. Simply wait

Having patience and allowing time to do its thing is sometimes the best thing that you can do. By practicing some of the already mentioned strategies, allowing time to pass will slowly start to make her fade from your mind.

You’ll pass each day with journaling, finding out things about yourself, and living each day to its fullest. Eventually, a day will come when you won’t even recall her name.

9. Forgiveness?

There is science behind the power of forgiveness. It’s true, and it’s been shown that forgiveness is linked to anger and depression. Research has also shown that practicing forgiveness can lessen feelings of anger and depression. Forgiving will not only help you resolve inner conflicts but help you get over her. 

10. Put facts first, not feelings or thoughts

Human beings have a poor tendency to view events through their feelings instead of as they are. You probably do it, too, and that’s not good. Take a step back and look at the events that led to her no longer being in your life, now separate how you feel about what happened.

If you find yourself thinking she was the most perfect woman in my life, ask yourself, was she? Look for facts that support how you feel, if it doesn’t, then that’s fine too. Remember, you are trying to figure out what’s fact from irrational emotion.


Getting over someone is difficult but not impossible. There are plenty of positive, well-researched strategies that help you get her off your mind for good. Journaling can help you identify what you are feeling, and this can help you view events in a more logical sense.

Picking up positive distractions like going out on a date, a walk, or just watching some YouTube videos helps a lot. Finally, just let time do its thing. Sometimes, that’s the final but hardest step to take, but it’s the best. With enough time and enough effort, she’ll be out of your head in no time.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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