Everyone has seen that movie: a guy and a girl meet and become friends, and things seem like they’re something more, or is it just one side’s imagination? They go out for meals, just the two of them, and talk non-stop on the phone or through their social media accounts; they even have a nickname for each other, but when they were asked if they were in a relationship, they had different answers. How could that have happened?
They went to the same coffee “dates,” dinners, or movies, but something doesn’t add up. Well, maybe he/she’s just not that into you, as the famous movie title goes.
You wake up in the morning, go through your meticulous morning routine of getting ready for your “can’t ask for anything more” 9-5 job, and meet a few executives here and there in Board Rooms, Conferences, or business trips. You would think it’s a life everyone would dream of having.
Still, instead, all you dream of is coming home to someone else other than your cat, someone asking how your day went, someone who’d offer a cup of coffee, or a glass of wine, whichever is your thing, and listen to you go on about how you closed a deal with a partner company that would set you up for the promotion you’ve always dreamt of getting; or someone who you’d come home to who can help you forget how shitty your day went with a home-cooked meal already set on the table.
It seems as if nobody cares for you deep enough for them to share their life with you. Nobody loves me, you think. If such is the case, then we can start looking at a few things, maybe sit down and ponder on these few points to be shared with you:
Well, everyone knows how the adage goes, “You don’t look for love; it finds you.” But people also say that love is also a game of being at the right place at the right time, so which one is it?
To not overthink this point, you may ask yourself: if you’re going to stay in the same places and go to the same restaurants, coffee shops, or even bookstores that you frequent, what is the likelihood that you’ll meet someone new?
It may take an entirely different landscape or environment for you to find the love that you’re looking for, so don’t be afraid to slowly expand your social circle to risk it all and find the love that fits you. This now brings us to the next point.
Are you looking for the right one or the one who’s right for now? It may mean two entirely different things if you’re looking to get to know a lot of people so you can ‘choose’ which personality or vibe best suits you, or are you already done with looking, know what you’re looking for, and are ready to select someone to marry?
You have to take the time to know what you want to achieve in your search, and while you can’t be 100% certain, at least know what qualities or traits are deal breakers and which ones you think you can live with in the long run. You can think, “Oh, the heart wants what the heart wants,” like what Emily Dickinson said, but you also have to gauge if this is something you can well enough leave to chance.
Sure, it’s relatively easy to make a list of the qualities you want in a potential life partner. But entering a commitment with someone else also means you have to be an ideal partner to your potential partner.
Being in a relationship not only means learning to accept and compromise on the qualities your partner has but also opening up yourself to being accepted and meeting halfway on the compromises your partner expects from you, too.
It’s looking for someone to love but also being someone another person could love as well. You must know how to value and accept yourself before entering a relationship so that both you and your partner understand that while you are committed to sailing through this journey through life together, you are still separate people who also have lives separate from one another.
This would prevent instances in the future of being overly dependent on one another that you don’t value yourselves as individuals, which could hinder growth in each of your journeys.
It’s one thing to know what qualities you want for a potential life partner, but it’s another thing to see how other people respond to how we express our emotions, let alone love. It is very important to also understand how other people express their emotions towards us.
You may be the gift-giving type, so you think your partner would respond by also giving you gifts, but sometimes that’s not the case. This could mean that while they don’t return the favor by gifting you, they could probably be thoughtful enough to write you a poem about how much they love you or verbally tell you how they feel.
Understanding someone else’s love language is paramount in any relationship to communicate better. Learn to open your eyes and heart to how other people express their love, and you’ll probably see that more people love you than you think. You just have to feel better.
At the end of the day, thinking that nobody loves you will only lead you to misery. There will always be people who love you no matter what, inside or even outside of your home. You have to remember that the love we give to the world is the love that ultimately comes back to us.
So don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and be brave enough to find what is worthy to be loved in the world. After all, as Alfred Tennyson said, “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”