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Can Extramarital Affairs Be True Love?

Sophie Simons
February 7, 2024

Despite efforts to keep an extramarital affair under wraps, the exhilarating thrill that no one knows about, forbidden, a fling that each person allows themself to indulge in, it can turn into more than anticipated. One or both people develop serious feelings, a genuine love.

When you see each other, your heart starts beating faster, your stomach starts to do flip-flops, and you can’t stop thinking about them. You can’t imagine a future without them. This is something that can create much heartbreak and turn your life upside down.

Still, you believe you’re in too deep, with the only option being to break up the marriage and be with the other person regardless of the consequences. How do you know for sure, though? Checking the signs that show you’re in love is important before taking this step. Let’s look at these.

6 Signs Your Extramarital Affair Has Turned Into True Love

You’ve gone to great lengths to keep your extramarital affair a secret, a fling that excites and exhilarates you, nothing more. You didn’t anticipate developing serious feelings, but it’s happening. The only thing you can think about is the affair; you can’t imagine a future without the other person in it.

The problem is it will cause heartbreak and, in the process, wreak havoc on your life. Sadly, it’s gone beyond your control. What you feel is true love, and there’s no escaping it. Is it real; how can you tell?  Most people view affairs as casual, based solely on sex. 

Before taking things a step further, it’s essential to look at the signs telling you that you’re in love. Here are ways to recognize true love from infatuation.

1. Deep conversations

Instead of constantly in the throes of passion, the two of you enjoy each other’s company in other ways. You can spend hours involved in deep conversation, being vulnerable, and discussing personal goals, milestones, and past failures in love and life. Sex is no longer unattached and illicit, but there’s greater emotion.

Instead of feeling like an infatuated teenager, there’s a friendship developing, a connection. If more of the time you spend together involves intellect and enjoying the other person’s company, it’s a sign the relationship is taking a new path and you’re falling in love.

2. More time together

You find yourself making more excuses to get out of the house so you can see this person. Instead of having fleeting moments, the time together is starting to extend beyond what you can justify with your spouse. The prolonged grocery shopping and lengthy business meetings are becoming more suspicious.

You miss work to spend the day together or excuse a romantic weekend holiday as a male or female friends’ getaway. You’re starting to miss the other person when you’re apart. Those few stolen hours aren’t enough anymore. That means more emotions are involved than you ever intended.

3. Sharing confidences

Instead of having meaningless conversations, the topics are starting to turn into shared confidences about your spouse, the marriage, personal finances, and intimate details about family and friends. Trust and loyalty are beginning to develop, with no fear of judgment but more safety that your private life will stay between the two of you. 

When it’s easy to let your guard down, the relationship is more than a casual fling. The feelings are growing deeper. Still, before revealing too much, making sure this is the real thing is important. You have a whole other partnership to think about, one where heartbreak is inevitable if this relationship progresses further.

4. Jealousy develops

When emotions are involved, it can mean jealousy when your new partner talks about their spouse or steady boyfriend or girlfriend. The idea of sharing this person with someone else is starting to irritate you. Instead of believing these are unreasonable emotions, it seems logical to want a sense of exclusivity.

Unfortunately, being possessive can backfire, leading your new mate back to the sanctity of their primary relationship, where jealousy might not be a concern. Plus, you need to remember that you’re also committed despite this new partnership blossoming.

5. Future planning

The two of you are starting to discuss taking holidays as a couple and the possibility of a future beyond sporadic rendezvous. You’re starting to imagine a life together even though your current spouse would be devastated by the realization of the affair and your intention of bringing someone else into your life.

You don’t consider the selfishness behind these thoughts. You’re starting to become oblivious to how taking action on these fantasies will affect other people. The only thing that matters at this point is finding a way to grow the affair into something more meaningful.

6. Comparisons are made

It’s growing more difficult to not compare this mate with your spouse. This person appears to have more positive qualities, whereas your spouse is viewed in a poor light. You find the affair more stimulating. The person goes out of their way to always look good conversationally, they’re more interesting, and they show empathy and understanding with personal matters.

In contrast, your spouse appears to complain too much as your time away is becoming prolonged. Intimate moments don’t exist anymore, and conversations are restricted to the chores that need to be done or what’s going on with the family. You’re not the focus of your spouse’s attention but with this new person, your worlds revolve around each other.

You’re not considering that the affair is just turning into love; it’s new and exciting in the same way your spouse was in the beginning. At one point, you found that love exciting and exhilarating, too.


While affairs could turn into true love, each person needs to give more thought to the consequences if the relationship were to grow. Other people are involved with the potential for heartbreak if the two of you were to break up families. A wise decision would be to consider a trial separation to make sure this new love has the staying power to last a lifetime.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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