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Can You Be in Love With Two People?

David Wilson
December 22, 2023

Often, we find ourselves in complicated situations that might seem uncommon, but ultimately, such situations happen more than we know. And one of those situations is finding ourselves being in love with more than one person. 

Love is a confusing and subjective feeling that can't fit into the universal narrative of only loving one person at a time. While there's a structured societal outlook on love and relationships, it is important to note that there's no rule book on why and whom you can love, as love as a feeling is beyond your control. 

So, is it possible to be in love with more than one person at a time? In this post, you will find all the answers you need to know about this and how you can figure out what to do next. 

Being in love with two people 

How can you be in love with two people at the same time? Well, sometimes, we don't get to choose how we respond to things around us, and that includes our feelings toward people. You don't get to decide.

According to clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., "We are complex and complicated beings, and it's very possible that two different traits in two different people can both appeal to us." In other words, it is possible to find yourself attracted to two people at the same time, no matter how different they are. 

So it doesn't matter if you are already in love or a relationship with someone else, the chances of developing feelings for someone new is entirely possible and it can spring up confusing feelings that can take a toll on your established relationship and even mental health. 

4 Signs that you are in love with two people

According to Ramani Durvasula, "Attraction is a very biological experience." As earlier stated, love is a feeling beyond one's control. You can't decide who you will get attracted to. It's an innate feeling that could be sudden or slowly develop with the passage of time. So how do you know when you're in love with two people? The following mentions below are signs that you're in love with two people. 

1. Divided attention

when your attention span is split between two individuals, and you're conflicted about how much you think about the two individuals, then there's a chance you're in love with both. It's natural for our minds to keep wandering to someone we are attracted to or in love with, so when it is a question of two individuals, then it's your consciousness trying to establish the fact that you're in love with not one but two people at once. 

2. Cold feet about future talks

When you are already in a relationship but the talks of commitment with that person begin to scare you because you just met someone new, then it is a sign that you have feelings for the new person as well. Even when you're not in a relationship but have two people in your life, but the thought of getting serious with one over the other scares you, you might want to take a step back to evaluate your feelings. 

3. You're confused about what you want

One of the most confusing things is finding yourself in a love triangle that you have woven, especially when the two individuals you are attracted to have completely different traits. Then you start to wonder which traits in both individuals you're genuinely attracted to. Which of these traits is compatible with you the most? It can be rather exhausting. 

4. You want to share things with both

When you love someone, you always want to share every minute detail of your life, work, and day with them. It's part of what grows the emotional intimacy of a relationship. But when you start to get the feelings to share that part of your life with two individuals at the same time, then it's a sign that you're in love with both. When you share more with one, there's no question that you love that person more, but it's a conundrum when you desire to share with both. 

How to navigate being in love with two people 

Being in love with more than one person is a tough spot to be in, especially when you are a firm believer in monogamy, and being exclusive with just one person can be emotionally exhausting. This is where some people easily transition into a polyamorous relationship where there's ethical freedom of being in love with more than one person at a time.

But as a monogamy believer, how do you navigate being in love with more than one person? According to Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., sexologist and host of the @SexDrWIthDrJess podcast, "For monogamous folks, it can be very confusing, overwhelming, and distressing to be in love with two people." So what to do? 

First, you need to be honest with yourself. Evaluate whether what you're feeling is love or lust or just a random crush on the other person. You owe it to yourself and the two people involved to properly explore your feelings to prevent heartbreak and anger. 

Secondly, talk to the people involved. This is perhaps a difficult option to consider, but it's also the most important option to consider when it comes to navigating being in love with two people, especially if you are considering dating both people at the same time. Don't play games. 

Thirdly, consider seeking professional help to help you understand the complexities of the situation and your feelings. Seeking therapy might help provide insights into your emotions and help in making an informed decision on whom to choose or if, at best, you have to let both go. A relationship expert or a certified therapist can go a long way in helping you to make the best decision that would be desirable for all parties involved, no matter how complex and hurtful it could be. 

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David Wilson

David Wilson is a skilled clinical psychologist dedicated to enhancing lives through healing and growth. Specializing in empowering clients to overcome challenges, he offers personalized therapy that fosters emotional well-being and resilience. With a compassionate approach, David guides individuals on their journey to discover self-awareness, develop coping strategies, and find lasting happiness. Trusted and revered, he is committed to making a positive impact and nurturing positive change in every life he touches.

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