No, it's not you alone who’s finding their partner annoying. In fact, one-third of people in a relationship feel that their boyfriend is irritating because of some of his actions and quirks. Every relationship has phases where we tend to get a little frustrated with our significant other.
Whether it’s the trash not being taken out, the dirty plates not being kept back in the dishwasher, or it can be as simple as snoring at night, anything gets on our nerves. This is completely normal because these annoyances arrive when you’re a few months into your relationship.
But how do you stop your boyfriend from annoying you? And will it affect their relationship? Let’s answer all your questions and tell you how to overcome this feeling of irritation for the man you love(possibly)!
It's totally normal to get annoyed, especially by those close to you. Feeling constantly irritated can make you worry about your relationship, but it doesn't necessarily mean things are falling apart.
Think about these things before reacting:
Once you start to notice what’s going downhill in YOUR life, you will eventually figure out why you're annoyed. Once you understand the cause, you can better deal with it and communicate with your boyfriend.
As much as we want it to happen, our boyfriends cannot read our minds and automatically know that we’re annoyed. Until and unless you sit him down and tell him what you’re feeling, he will be clueless about why you’re so annoyed with him. Even if you think it's obvious, they might not realize exactly what you’re feeling for them.
In Dr. John Gottman's book "What Predicts Divorce?", he points out that poor communication is the biggest reason why most relationships fall apart. Communication is the only thing that can help your relationship last longer. If you don’t let him know how you’re feeling and let the tension build up, then eventually, things will turn out messy.
When you're annoyed with your partner, sit him down for an honest one-on-one. Here are some more tips:
When they're talking, be there with them. It's not just about hearing words but understanding what they're saying.
Choose a good time for a serious talk, not during a heated moment or when someone is clearly busy or stressed.
Share your feelings without sounding like you're blaming them. Instead of saying "You always," say "I feel" or "I think."
Emotions can run high, but try not to let them take over. Leave the room if you think that you’re getting overwhelmed by feelings.
Don't assume. If you're not sure about why he’s doing something that’s annoying you, then just ask him.
If your partner is chewing loudly or leaving his socks around the house instead of putting them in the laundry basket, then you’re the one who’s getting annoyed by it. This is what’s important to recognize. You have to take ownership of the fact that you’re the only one who is feeling irritated by these actions. Sometimes, your boyfriend might not even realize that he’s bothering you because, for him, it’s just another day, and he’s being himself.
Your partner is not at fault here if you’re annoyed by him, so you can’t be angry at him either. Taking responsibility for your feelings means you're in control, even if their actions seem directed at you. Instead of blaming them for making you feel annoyed, tell them as it is. Say, “I think I don’t like it when you do [insert whatever you don’t like], and I feel very annoyed. I’m going to take a little breather.” This way, you’re handling your own emotions instead of making your boyfriend feel defensive.
If you’re feeling that the anger is taking over your emotions and you might lash out, then try to jot down some things that make your partner feel good. You can write about the small things that he takes care of without you even asking. It's like creating a special reminder of all the good memories they bring to your life. When you look at this list, you can feel grateful for the kindness that your partner has, which will help you dull down the annoyance a little bit.
You can think of many things when making the list:
Sometimes, it's best to let go of the little things that bother you in your relationship. If you focus too much on every annoying habit, soon, everything your partner does might start to irritate you. Are the things that he does and you find annoying really having a negative impact on your life? If it's just a matter of them doing things differently or having habits you find annoying but it doesn't harm anyone, is it worth getting upset about?
Nagging about every small thing can make your partner tune out, making it harder for them to pay attention when you have something important to discuss. It's important to pick your battles and learn to let go. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, or step away, and focus on the bigger picture of your relationship and mental well-being.
If you’re constantly being bothered by every little quirk that your boyfriend has, then it might be a sign of bigger issues. Getting annoyed by small actions like leaving the toilet seat up or staying out too late with the boys is fine, but these should not affect how you feel about him. At this point, you have to give some time to think about your own feelings for him.
If you still care about your partner, try focusing on the good things about him and your relationship. However, if being around them is unbearable, it might mean that they're not the right person for your happiness anymore.
Feeling irritated, angry, and annoyed at your partner is more normal than you think, but you can’t let the feelings overwhelm you. Talking it out should be your go-to strategy. Let your boyfriend know that there are certain habits or quirks that you don’t like, but be very polite about it. This is the way to build a healthy relationship that lasts through all the ups, downs, and annoyances!