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5 Reasons Why You Can’t Force Someone To Love You

Irina Tracy
December 5, 2023

Love is one of the most profound emotions we are gifted with as human beings. Everyone wants to experience the depth of love and share it with a significant other. But there is one key element of this emotion that we can’t ignore: its authenticity. Love has to be genuine in order to be valued as the divine gift that it is meant to be. 

As tempting as it might be to make someone love you, this approach will never bring you the whole experience of love that you were meant to have in this life. So, before you try to build such a strategy, here are the most important reasons why you can’t force someone to love you.. and you shouldn’t even try it! 

1. You will spend a lot of energy

Trying to manipulate (or even force) someone to love you can be highly self-consuming and draining. You will spend a significant amount of time trying to please them, mirror their energy, and fulfill their desires to show them that they should love you back. This is a recipe doomed to fail no matter how much effort you put into it. 

What you might not realize while you are in the midst of this venture is that you will lose yourself while you are trying to gain their love. Forcing someone to love you means, at a subconscious level, that you give up your self-respect. The urge to make someone love you comes from a sad feeling that you are not enough just the way you are. So, you decide to alter your authenticity to match the other person’s expectations. 

Even if you get that person’s attention temporarily, it will not be for the person you truly are, but for who you made yourself to be so you can appear appealing to them. And even if they start developing feelings for you, will they ever truly love you? The answer is always no, and sooner or later, they will realize that, and the mirage will come to an end. 

2. You might miss the opportunity to have a healthy relationship 

If you have your eyes set on one person, you might be unaware of the right person when they come along. You will be too busy investing yourself emotionally, mentally, and even physically in a relationship based on faded hopes that one day, your efforts will be mutual. 

But during this time, there might be someone genuinely interested in you and even actively pursuing you, and you will not notice them because you are too focused on chasing an illusion. Even if you do notice such a person, chances are that you will not think twice before rejecting them because you are so determined to receive love from someone else. And you might miss out on an excellent opportunity to build a beautiful relationship with someone who truly loves you. 

3. Maybe it is not love

If you are thinking about forcing someone to love you, you might also want to question your love for them. It is possible that you experience a feeling of infatuation, or maybe you even developed an unhealthy obsession with that person. 

True love includes respecting each other’s feelings, desires, and freedom. When you want to force someone to love you, you are basically trying to control their emotional core. You will not just alter yourself in this process but also your desired partner’s authentic self through tactics of manipulation that have nothing to do with the genuine emotion of love. 

Love not only can’t be forced, but it feels effortless and natural. When you are in a relationship with the right person, you will get along and support each other as a matter of course, without having to make yourself do these things. You care for each other’s happiness and try your best to contribute to it. And ultimately, the two of you form a strong team against all the obstacles that life throws at you. 

4. You need mutual love to be happy

Relationships are a dance of give and take. If you are the only one giving attention, gifts, time, and investing emotions, you will not feel the happiness you crave. Both you and your partner need to feel loved, appreciated, admired, and respected within the relationship. And even if different stages of your connection might require more effort from one side, these emotions have to be in balance. 

If love is one-sided, the relationship will not withstand the test of time. And even if you put in your best efforts to make your partner love you, and you think you have succeeded, it all might turn into an emotional disaster. Sooner or later, your partner will want to feel genuine love for someone, and they will know that they don’t have that in your relationship. 

5. In the end… it will not last 

Relationships can be complex enough for people who genuinely love each other. Social, financial, and health issues challenge their strength all the time. A relationship must be built on a solid foundation of authentic love, honesty, and respect to ensure its chances of survival are manageable. 

It is incredible how far a connection with a healthy foundation can get. Those fairy-tale couples that spend decades together can confirm this. No matter how many challenges we face in life, we recharge our batteries from the home we created with a loving partner. Even if you manufacture such an emotion by forcing someone to love you, you will not be able to count on them when it really matters. Such a relationship will crumble at the first struggle, like a sand castle. 


Love is not a goal in itself but rather a journey for two people eager to experience life together and learn from each lesson. It can’t be taken for granted and feeds on mutual honesty, support, trust, and admiration. You deserve to experience the real type of love and know the blessing of growing through such an experience. And more important than anything else, know that you are more than good enough for genuine, profound love! 

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Irina Tracy

Irina Tracy

As a lifestyle journalist, certified astrologer, and published author, I write about everything that makes my heart beat faster. After taking my degree in journalism and astrology, I decided to delve deeper into the subjects that appeal to me and published several books worldwide—looking forward to exploring exciting topics and mystical aspects of life one article after another.

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