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When Is It Too Soon To Say I Love You?

David Wilson
December 6, 2023

For delving deeper into this topic, it is only fair to sift a little through the concoction that this most cherished feeling brews in the hearts. Love comes in many forms. Nonetheless, here we would talk only in terms of romantic love.

What exactly is love?

The definition of love varies from person to person. In today's world, our generation has divided itself into various fractions of love practices. Many individuals are enchanted with the idea of being in love than actually being in love.

They have developed this tendency to fantasize about love rather than knowing and feeling it. There are some for whom love is like stepping on their tail. The prospect of love, commitment, and attachment scares the wits out of them. They run rampant as far as they can from love. 

Then there is one class that denies love and tags it as infatuation and time-being attraction that gradually fades away. In this list, there also comes a class that is always too scared to proclaim their love with the fear of rejection.

When should you know it is too early to give a name to your feelings?

The problem with our generation is haste and uncertainty. By and large, teens and even adults jump the gun when it comes to saying, ‘I love you.’ They profess their love even before being certain of their feelings.

Haste and unmindfulness lead to disastrous results, hurting both parties involved, regardless of the presence of love. For example; 

  • People mistake infatuation or attraction for love.
  • They get impulsive while they are intoxicated.
  • Just before or after getting laid, sometimes a thrilling experience or sometimes regret pushes them into being ahead of themselves. 

Therefore, it's imperative to take the due time and carefully consider your feelings before making any decisions. Never jump to conclusions too soon. Even if love is a wholesome feeling, we live in a world that has evolved into a complex vortex of emotions, commitments, desires, and expectations.

Take things slowly, but it is not wise to rush them, either. Let yourself live through the warm fuzzy feelings, let your heart run on a treadmill of sweetness and attraction, develop a rhythm, and weigh your differences and interests with the person your heart feels love for. For love to be meaningful and lasting, at least some compatibility is needed. Isn’t it?

It might be a stupid question to ask around. If you feel the need to be too hasty in validating your feelings, you might not be in love at all! Love should be calm, slow, and giving, unremittingly taking its due to bud and then grow.  

How do you know you are not jumping the gun in saying "I love you"? 

Love should be felt in the crevices of your heart and being before getting proclaimed. Love can never be forced. When it’s there, it flows effortlessly; when it is not there, any pressure, struggles, and enforcement can not inject the heart with love. Here are some points that can help you be sure of your feelings and can buckle your haste. 

  • You both trust each other completely. 
  • You can see a future together, and you are excited to live it.
  • You have an understanding bond, and you respect each other’s choices and decisions.
  • The person is always on your mind, and you want to give them everything they have ever wanted in life.
  • The thought of losing them scares the living daylights out of you. 
  • Their happiness and contentment come before your own.

Is there a defined period you should spend before saying I Love You?

Without beating around the bush or dilly-dallying, the right answer would be a straight no. There is never a specific timespan that must be lived through before the proclamation of love. In a relationship, the exact timing for accepting true feelings varies greatly depending on the people involved. It is widely said that “Matters of the heart are very complicated.” which is true. Love is not a feeling that can be studied and simplified. For the most part, the budding feelings of love and then its intensity depend on the degree of connection you feel for the other person. It goes as far as saying that you can be in love with even two people at the same time!

A study carried out on 3,019 adults from various countries around the world published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that compared to men, women are less likely to say ‘I love you’ first. 

Researchers from Abertay University in Dundee concluded through various studies and surveys that men, on average take almost three and a half months to say I love you.

On the other hand, women in a new relationship tend to proclaim their love after four months.

Research has shown that men and women have different thought processes about the concept of love. For women, love is more about emotional commitment and safety, while for men, love is more about sexual commitment and the passion felt during the act. A romantic and nonsexual approach to love is celebrated and desired more by women than men.

“Turning points” help in not saying I love you too soon

Some researchers mark the timeline of romantic development by discrete events which they call “turning points”. Baxter and Bullis identified some important turning points, which included “get-to-know time,” “physical separation,” and “external competition”.

These turning points can aid the individual in not announcing their feelings before the right time. Turning points can have either negative or positive effects. They can instill and challenge the level of satisfaction and sincerity between two individuals. Love is an interpersonal relationship rather than belonging to one individual.

So you should always be on the lookout for turning points before tagging your feelings as love. If a negative turning point can blow away everything you had started feeling, your feelings were not genuine to begin with.

Conclusion

It’s always wise to stay on the middle ground before inclining yourself to a defined side. You sure can have genuine feelings for someone, but that does not mean you should say I love you out loud at the drop of the hat. It just makes everything more complicated. Take time to savor those feelings and rummage through your and the other person’s hearts for mutual trust, mutual respect, and mutual affection. The three core components of love.

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David Wilson

David Wilson is a skilled clinical psychologist dedicated to enhancing lives through healing and growth. Specializing in empowering clients to overcome challenges, he offers personalized therapy that fosters emotional well-being and resilience. With a compassionate approach, David guides individuals on their journey to discover self-awareness, develop coping strategies, and find lasting happiness. Trusted and revered, he is committed to making a positive impact and nurturing positive change in every life he touches.

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