One of the most difficult emotional upheavals to go through is a breakup and learning how to get over that person from that point. During that period in a person’s life, varied emotions are happening at once: loneliness, sadness, feelings of depression, anger, and so on. The overwhelm makes knowing where to even start to climb out and begin fresh impossible.
Many compare the loss of someone in a breakup as similar in many ways to going through a grieving process, particularly if you’ve been with the person for a long time. It’s not so simple as one minute here, pack up, walk away, and you just move on.
With the connection, there might be extensions of friends, family, places you frequented, photos, if you shared a place and memories that will be reminders, making letting go an even bigger challenge. In that same vein, emotional rejection and feelings of loss can invoke feelings of physical pain.
For many, this is the worst loss, leaving them isolated and depressed. In some cases, they see a hopelessness looking towards the future that will now need to be worked out with a new path, possibly some new friends, and an uncertainty they don’t want to face. How do you move on from this state, get over this person, and start fresh? Let’s look at a few tips.
It might not happen right away. You might not be ready to get back into your regular routine for some time. But you can’t hide out for long, especially if you have a job to get back to. Even if you just make a move to get up and go to work and come straight home after, it’s a step in the right direction.
It is possible to let go of someone and move on even if you’ve been with that person for a long time. It might not seem like it while you’re in the throes of rejection because the loss is fresh and exceptionally painful not just emotionally but physically. It does hurt; it’s a heartbreak.
But what people don’t consider when you go through a loss like this is that you’re not only losing what you consider to be the person you love but all the mutual friends and acquaintances that came with that bond. Those people will need to pick a side or will graduate towards one invariably.
Not to mention the fact that the places you frequented as a couple, even the market, will be essentially off-limits in case there’s an awkward meeting. Everything will need to change, an entire life change so it would be difficult to simply get over someone and all that goes with them. How would you begin the process? Here are a few tips.
It’s okay to feel pain and it’s perfectly fine to cry if you need to. It’s better to release those feelings than to internalize them. When you try to put on a strong exterior for everyone around you, that’s usually when the physical pain strikes because you’re creating tension and stress for yourself.
When you’re dealing with loss, you go through a grief cycle, and it’s essential to allow that healing process. In the beginning, your emotions will be raw, but over time, it will settle to where you’ll experience triggers that bring on emotions. It will be a matter of identifying those to either try to work through them or avoid the issues that cause them.
When you’ve worked through the initial episodes of crying, consider the feelings you’re left with. You’ll likely be left somewhat despondent, unsure of how to feel but more rational and calm.
Now that you’ve allowed for the emotions to dissipate, it’s time to gain insight into where your thoughts are. You won’t be to the point of acceptance yet; that takes more time. But each day, you’ll need to make a plan for how you intend to get through that day. The steps you’ll take to navigate your usual tasks.
Keeping busy on the job will help improve your mental state and will relieve some of the pain, particularly being around other people, those who might not have even known your ex. This will allow you to talk free of judgment.
An important part of a breakup when you’re trying to let go is to ensure there’s no possibility for you to be able to reach out to the other person.
That means you lose their phone number out of your mobile, you block them from social networks, you remove their email from your contacts, all photos should be stored away, and you should avoid any places where you might run into the other person inadvertently. It’s very easy to try to contact an ex that you’re still attached to just to see if you can sway their decision.
Most times, it turns out awkward for both people and ends up hurting the one dealing with the loss even more. Sometimes, it’s found out there was another person in the picture that you didn’t know about, and you realize it would have been better if you didn’t know. When the relationship is over, it’s better for you to break the attachment.
If the individual comes back at some point regretting their decision, you’ll have a lot to think about. They should come back after you’ve both had some time apart. Maybe they realize it was a mistake, and now you see what it was like without contacting them. Maybe you’re happier on your own.
When analyzing the relationship to determine what went wrong, it’s important to look at it impartially. There are equal sides in every partnership; no one can take all the fault when things don’t work out.
That means looking at what you might have done differently, considering the fact that maybe the two of you were growing apart or not as compatible as you once were, or your mate decided they wanted different things. While it’s okay to recognize things you wish you could change, it’s important not to blame yourself.
These are life lessons you can take into the next relationship. It’s all part of forgiving yourself for any part you played in ending the relationship, as unintentional as it was, and allowing yourself the chance to move forward with lessons to help you achieve a healthier, stronger partnership in the future.
It can be difficult to forgive your partner, especially if there was cheating or another equally despicable reason behind the breakup. But in order to move forward healthfully, it’s important to find a way to forgive, if nothing more than to thank them for helping you realize sooner rather than later what a mistake you were about to make.
In all likelihood, the individual will at some point come to regret their decision; that’s usually the case, especially in cases where cheating is involved. When you can be the bigger person and forgive, that makes that more likely. The issue will be whether you want to pick things back up after a betrayal.
Most likely, by that point, you will have moved forward in a much more healthy, thriving partnership where you don’t have to worry about abrupt breakups.
A large part of healing begins with self-care. A priority with self-care is to nurture your body. That means beginning a wellness regimen with a healthy meal plan, regular fitness regimen, and a supportive inner circle. Until you decide that you’re ready to heal your body from the inside out, you won’t be able to move forward.
This step takes a concerted effort every day to take time to prepare healthy foods and snacks to nourish your body, making it feel vibrant and fulfilled. You’ll need to take the time to engage in the fitness of at least moderate exertion for roughly 20 minutes to half an hour each day to rejuvenate your mind, body, and spirit.
In that same vein, surround yourself with positive, supportive people who encourage and motivate you towards a future you can be excited about. Make sure to pay attention to how things make you feel. Anything that feels off or negative, avoid it. Your goal is to move forward slowly and gradually in the most positive way possible.
While the relationship is over, that doesn’t mean it never happened, or there was any less feeling than the two of you shared. Despite your partner leaving, at one point, there was a connection, a bond, and love; it was real and endured for a considerable time. The fact that it faded and, ultimately, the partnership came to an end doesn’t diminish what you had.
You shouldn’t forget your history. These are actually milestones to look back on and celebrate as fond memories. As you evolve into different people, it’s interesting to see how other people have helped shape who you’ve become. These people are genuinely an important part of our life.
That doesn’t mean holding tight to them; you need to let go and move on. But it’s important to remember the lessons as you go and accept how each might have benefitted you not only in other relationships but in your future as an individual, making you a better person.
If you shared a place or even if you didn’t, you might have things that remind you of the other person, or just the way your home is decorated or laid out might remind you of them. It’s time to reorganize and clear the clutter; start fresh by clearing out and cleaning up, whether it's a spring clean or even in the dead of winter.
When decluttering, you should make bins for donating, gifting, recycling, and tossing out or one for returning in case you have anything that belongs to your ex. These items should be returned through a mutual acquaintance to avoid contact. As you go through the house, get rid of anything that you haven’t touched in roughly six months.
Once you have the bins full, reach out to have them collected or take them to the appropriate facilities. Before doing a thorough cleaning and washing throughout the place, rearrange each room, including the furnishings. Once everything is clean and tidy, you’re ready to move on in your newly freshened-up place with no trace of how things were before.
If you really want to make a change, you can do some home improvements, including painting the walls and the kitchen cabinets and changing out your linens, a major change when dealing with a devastating break.
There can come a time when you slip back into a funk despite doing well for a while. That’s a normal part of the process. Moving on takes time and can mean having ups and downs along the way. You shouldn’t give up or feel hopeless that you’re bound for despair or that you’ll never get over this person.
It will happen in its own time. If you have been together for a long time, it can be complicated and drawn out, but you will get through it. One thing to remember is you were happy and fulfilled with life before the two of you met, and you can be again. You can also hold onto the fact that you’ve been making progress, something important to hold onto.
You need to be kind to yourself, but if you feel entirely too overwhelmed, it’s important to reach out to a support group or a professional counselor to help guide you through the process. You don’t have to do it on your own if you’re struggling and finding no end to the struggles.
If you have things that you want to do but always put them on the back burner for the relationship, consider some of those things now and maybe take yourself outside your comfort zone. Maybe you wanted to try a few workshops or hobbies, look into some new adventures like skydiving, or sign up for some classes to consider a different career choice.
Sit down and focus on what’s most important and where you see your life heading in the future. Are you interested in switching careers at this point in your life, or would you rather wait a few more years? Did you want to try the adventurous activities as something to do with your partner, or was that an individual desire?
What hobbies should you look into; these might keep you busy and take your mind off your current situation. You want to avoid becoming overwhelmed by taking on too much at once. Weigh the pros and cons of the favored activities and move forward with your chosen. Soon, you’ll be so busy you’ll be ready to let go.
Sometimes, people can’t stay in the same location where their ex is when there’s a major breakup; it’s just too difficult for them to be able to move on if the other person is right there, moving in the same circles at the same places and possibly with another person. Often, in order to let go, these individuals need to actually move to a new city or even a state.
The idea of starting entirely fresh is appealing. In this case, the person needs to be able to block the relationship from their memory, the break is too painful, remembering is too difficult, and if they were to stay in the same area, the likelihood of trying to reconnect would be high, and that would result in even more heartbreak.
This way, if done correctly, with all forms of contact eliminated, you have a better chance of letting go more healthfully in the case of such a major, painful break. It’s not easy to let go of all your friends and possibly family, your job, and the things you’re familiar with but some sacrifices you often need to make when it comes to personal self-care. That usually trumps everything else.
Letting go of someone following a break is difficult, especially if you’ve been with them for any length of time. The process is comparable to grieving, with forgiveness, healing, and acceptance being primary aspects of moving on. In the beginning, you’ll need to allow yourself to feel the grief and all the pain that comes with that until it exhausts.
Sometimes, you can have ups and downs with the fear that you won’t ever move on. The important thing to remember is the future is waiting for you. You can waste those precious moments wallowing in the past or go after some of those adventures you wanted to try when you were in the relationship but didn’t get to. I vote for adventure.