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I Moved In With My Boyfriend but I’m Not Happy: What To Do?

Sophie Simons
January 23, 2024

You moved in with your partner —- a fantasy of thoughts in your mind. But the opposite happens; you feel trapped and rushed instead. 

Since both of you moved to the burbs, your boyfriend is happy, but you're miserable. This realization suddenly hits you like bricks on your chest. You never shared your room before; your private space is ruined, and it is now difficult to accept it.

You're left with no other option but to wonder, "Was this all I wanted, and why is it happening?" "Did I make a wrong decision? And "Will we be able to fix our relationship by living together?" 

No doubt, making a new home together leads to celebration, and among adults ages around 18 to 44, more than 59% of people in a relationship live together at some point before marriage.

But sometimes, people end up finding it challenging and become anxious and confused. If you're also worried about what to do in this situation, this article can be your piece of cake.

Grab your cup of coffee, leave all your worries behind, and let's dig into the possible solutions!

4 Reasons Why You Feel Weird After Moving In:

No one wants to feel that way, but there are always some reasons that lead to this unhappiness and weirdness after moving in with your loved one. 

To help you handle this, we've mentioned some points below that might be the reason for this unexpected change so you can find a better solution. 

Keep reading to explore more.

1. Not Feeling at Home

You were used to being free at home, without any responsibilities. As the situation is not the same anymore, and you enter a new home, it comes up with different aspects, and it is normal for you to feel that this isn't your home. This can also be due to the disagreements you've with your partner.

2. He Disrespects You

When you were together, he was sweet. But he's not the same person now because he doesn't fear losing you. However, you shouldn't allow him to break your trust constantly – leaving you in a vulnerable state. When they aren't caring for you, and you're the only one putting in effort, this is really unhealthy.

3. You Entered A New Situation

According to research, living and eating together come up with significantly different eating habits and food choices during this transition. You cannot allow someone to adapt his hobbies and habits according to you, and this may lead to conflicts and make you unhappy about this. Remember that giving space is important in any relationship. 

4. Arguments About Money

When it comes to paying your bills, all proverbial skeletons may come out of the closet from nowhere. Sorting out finances is also an art, and not everyone is expert at this. It's normal to argue about money due to a lack of savings after moving in together suddenly. In this case, setting up a budget and being honest can play a vital role in keeping this in control.

Things To Do If You're Not Happy After Moving In | Effective Solutions

Now that you've acknowledged the reasons let's not miss out on effective solutions to fix this unfortunate situation where it is becoming hard for you to manage:

Solution #1. Determine What's Not Working

If you've already realized you are not happy, it is high time to take a deep internal evaluation to it from a different perspective. Figure out what the exact reason for this unhappiness is. 

You should go the extra mile to identify your feelings and share them openly with him.

Honest and thorough communication will help you pinpoint areas for further improvement and set a smooth stage for exploring solutions together.

In addition, take time to understand his point of view, and believe me, you'll be able to work toward a hassle-free living arrangement.

Solution #2. Communicate Clearly

Talk to your boyfriend about what you dislike and want to be changed. Communication always works amazingly when done intentionally and respectfully.

To do this, you must engage in active listening. Carefully choose your words and avoid blaming the other person if you're having problems.

You can tell him if you feel angry when he uses his phone or if you're sad because he's not focusing on you the way he used to. 

Empathy may also assist you in responding to them with gentleness!

Solution #3. Consider Your Future Plans 

Discussion of long-term expectations and goals for the future is the base for a couple's relationship. So, ensure that you both are on the same page regarding career aspirations.

Above all, align your vision with your partner and make adjustments where necessary.

All partnerships need communication, commitment, and sometimes compromise to stay happy and healthy. Even when you see happy couples, there are some struggles always in there.

Stop fantasizing about things by seeing others, and try to be more practical. Relationships are not entirely built on love but rather on trust and mutual support. 

How Relationships Change When You Move In Together

A Sage Journal research reveals that being in different cohabiting relationships is associated with various perks and risks in terms of specific relational outcomes.

So yes, moving in together before or after marriage brings up different joys and changes. You learn about shared responsibilities and habits and how to overcome differences in the same room — leading to a new pattern of life. 

Your relationship will either be stronger with time or become weaker due to these differences. But guess what? Balancing togetherness and independence is the key. Communicate with him openly and build a strong bond for a long-lasting journey.

Is It Normal To Fight After Moving In Together?

Yes, it is pretty normal to fight once you move in. You both will always fight at some point, but what makes your relationship work is learning the dance of these fights. Don't act like a heartless pressure cooker, and discuss what you feel in this new place with your partner.

When you fight, take a deep breath and try to be vulnerable. All of our above-mentioned solutions would work magically if you want to fix all this and live life happily. Remember, this is a new chapter, not the last one!

Conclusion

Living together before marriage is undeniably a big step. You get to know a person more when you live together. Putting yourself in his shoes must be your priority, and understanding can make your bond work in the long run.

Don't forget that it can stir up many challenges, whether it's about difficulty in conversations or differences in choices. Be prepared for that – evaluate whether your decision was right or not.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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