Although there is only a one-letter difference between the phrases ‘love you’ and ‘I love you,’ many believe that there is a big difference in meaning between the two. But what is the difference? How should you respond to each statement, given their possible meanings?

We’ve made it easier for you! In this article, we will go into what love is, the different types of love, what makes ‘love you’ different from ‘I love you,’ and take the guesswork out of your romantic endeavors! 

Let’s start with the basics: what is love?

Love is broadly defined as a ‘very strong feeling of affection towards someone.’ Even though this definition is somewhat accurate, everyone has a very unique experience of love, and it can come in many forms. When most people hear the word ‘love,’ they automatically think of romantic partners. But many different types of love can exist between friends, family, partners, pets, and even strangers.  Early Greek philosophers argued that seven types of love exist, the most prominent of which are:  

1. Eros (romantic love): A passionate love that is based on physical attraction, lust, and desire. This type of love is said to be particularly intense and, as a result, potentially more dangerous and short-lived than other types of love. It is theorized that romantic relationships cannot be successfully fuelled by eros alone. 
2. Pragma (enduring love): a bonded love that is nurtured by both parties over many years, through which each person feels held and supported. It is built on commitment, companionship, and dedication and serves one’s long-term interests, such as starting a family. 
3. Philia (affectionate love): This love is friendly, kind, encouraging, and loyal. It is often found in the love shared between friends, intimate family members, and well-matched couples. It is founded on two people having equal regard for each other and deeply wanting the best for one another. On its own, philia is platonic love, but when eros is present, it can bloom into a strong romantic love.
4. Storge (familial, unconditional love): Storge is classically known as the unwavering love that is built on necessity and blood. It is the unconditional love that parents have for their children, and, unlike philia, it does not need to be reciprocated to be sustained. 

‘Love you,’ ‘I love you,’ and the different types of love 

So, now you’ve got the basics down pat, let’s look at the difference between ‘love you’ and ‘I love you’ and how they relate to the types of love we’ve discussed. Many argue that the meaning of these two statements are worlds away from each other. Here is a few ways in which ‘love you’ and ‘I love you’ differ: 

1. Intensity

When someone says ‘I love you’ it shows intention and ownership over one’s emotions. It shows that the love they are communicating to you is sincere and emotionally charged. They are not afraid to take ownership of this feeling and offer it to you vulnerable.

Therefore, it is more sincere and more emotionally loaded and is commonly used in romantic (eros) and soul-mate (pragma) love. When someone uses this phrase, they may be romantically interested in you, want to let you know how important you are to them, or intend to ascertain your feelings towards them through your response. 

In contrast, ‘love you’ is a more casual phrase, sometimes shared between friends or family, and used to express affection or appreciation. This is more commonly used in affectionate (philia) and familial (storge) relationships. The use of this phrase is more playful and suggests that the person feels warmth towards you and values your presence in their life. 

2. Tone

‘I love you’ is often delivered in a serious or passionate tone, with direct eye contact, and in a moment of intimacy between two individuals experiencing ‘eros’ or ‘pragma.’ The tone can often reveal the intention behind words, so if this is the case, this person likely has strong feelings for you. 

In contrast, ‘love you’ is often delivered in passing and with a light-hearted, warm tone that implies contentment and enjoyment of one’s presence. However, some argue that ‘love you’ is just a less formal way of communicating strong love, so it’s important to take note of the context in which this is being shared and how your significant other tends to communicate their feelings. 

3. They don’t! The meaning behind them is the same

Confusingly, some even argue that ‘love you’ and ‘I love you’ are the same, and the meaning behind them only differs by how you receive each phrase or how the person offering it to you is behaving. If ‘love you’ makes you feel bubbly and romantic when stated by the person you share a trusting relationship with, that is still just as valid as ‘I love you.’

Similarly, if someone you have feelings for says ‘love you’ and you think they might intend it romantically, the best course of action is to simply communicate and ask them what their true feelings are. This will save you heartbreak and preserve your friendship! 

How to respond when someone says ‘love you’

When someone says ‘love you’, it is often polite to respond with the same if you also value them and feel appreciation for their company. This is common with friends, via text, or with family.

Alternatively, if you would like to ascertain whether there is a deeper romantic intention behind their words, you could simply ask. If you do so confidently and clearly, you won’t need to exhaust yourself by playing out scenarios in your head.

How to respond when someone says ‘I love you’

When someone says ‘I love you,’ it can feel wonderful, heavy, flattering, exciting, and daunting all at once! Your response completely depends on how you feel about this person. If you feel the same way, responding with ‘I love you, too’ will show them this and allow your relationship to progress.

Alternatively, if you do not reciprocate their feelings, it is important to let them know now, perhaps saying, ‘I’m flattered but I don’t feel that way about you’ or, ‘Thank you. I’m not ready to say it back but I do care about you’. The most important thing is to be clear so that you avoid hurting anyone’s feelings!