It is frightening to think that you may have been in a pretended relationship, especially if you have invested so much love, time, energy, and commitment. However, if the signs are too obvious, it is wrong for you to ignore them.
Having no relationship is intrinsically better than being in a pretended relationship, and you, as well as your partner, deserve so much better than what you currently have. If you have a hunch that there’s something missing in your relationship, although you can’t exactly identify what it is, it is best to follow and dig deeper.
The signs here might help you recognize the nature of your relationship, and if you find them apt, get ready. You may have some big decisions to make.
There may be various reasons why you would find yourself in a pretended relationship, but here are the general or common ones:
Delve into possible ulterior motives that your partner may have for being in a relationship with you. These motives may include social status, financial gain, personal convenience, social expectations, or simply fear of loneliness.
However, don’t go around making accusations. Sometimes, even when you feel that these motives are possible, it does not necessarily mean that the feelings he has for you are less real.
When comes discussing relationships commonly requires emotional confrontations and challenging conversations, and some people are just terrible at these. Therefore, they resort to pretense instead of facing the truth.
They could probably be afraid of the outcome if the truth comes out. Rather than having things fixed, things might just fall apart between you two, and although he is aware of the pretended nature of your relationship, he would prefer it to be that way rather than having it gone.
Assess what you have with him based on these signs. If one, some, or even all of them, sound familiar, you might want to re-evaluate your whole relationship with him.
Determining if your relationship is ingenuine is not a simple task, but the first aspect that you can think about is his attitude to you. If you find yourself often confused with how he behaves, it may be the biggest clue that what you’re having with him is indeed ingenuine.
The discrepancy between what he says and how he correspondingly acts indicates a lack of sincerity, thus a big red flag!
The degree of emotional investment determines the depth of connection between partners beyond the physical one. A healthy relationship requires genuine emotional commitment.
The signs that there is a lack of emotional investment from your partner include superficial affection, detached communication, inattentiveness to your needs, avoidance of emotional topics, failure to prioritize relationship moments, and limited vulnerability.
Concisely, if he acts indifferent and guarded around you, it’s a strong sign that he does not love you as he should.
Relating to the sign above, he may have tried faking emotional investment by showing superficial affection.
If the affection he shows lacks spontaneity (routinely rigid), lacks personalization (not attending to your individual preferences), and is influenced by external factors (he might show more affection when there are people around than when you’re alone), it may indicate that there’s no true depth of feeling involved. The gestures he shows are only a façade of love.
Future plans suggest a shared vision and commitment that you have together. Avoiding them means your relationship lacks them. Reluctance, especially on relationship milestones such as moving in together, marriage, and starting a family, should be a reason for you to re-assess your relationship.
However, do not be too steadfast in associating this sign directly with pretense since this reluctance could also come from different reasons, such as psychological fear of commitment, past trauma, insecurity, or other personal issues.
Difficult times, although harsh, can often serve as a tool for you to truly see things. You can know who the people around you are, and in this case, who your partner is and how much he feels about you.
If he’s emotionally absent or indifferent, giving dismissive, judgmental, or insensitive remarks, offering no assistance, and showing a lack of empathy, you must be aware that you are not only in a pretended relationship, but also an unhealthy and dysfunctional one.
Who could say? You can have someone pretending to love you for five minutes, or you can have him do it for a lifetime. The duration may differ depending on various factors. If he does it for personal gain, he may continue to do it for as long as he desires it.
It could also depend on his emotional capacity since pretending, especially on heavy matters like love, is surely draining, as well as his discovery and personal integrity once he realizes what he does is morally wrong and destructive to you. The dynamics of your relationship could also play a role.
If you are the type of person who demands interactions and intimacy on a regular basis, you might not be able to take it for long. He is a human being, just as you are, and if he is a decent one, he will likely get out of the relationship for the sake of both of you.
Nonetheless, either he still hasn’t realized it, or he does it on purpose; you can take control of your life and evaluate what you have with him right now based on these signs. You deserve all the good in life, and you owe it to yourself to get no less than that!