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I Love Him but I Can’t Do Long-Distance: What To Do?

Sophie Simons
February 4, 2024

It’s commonly said, “Love is the shortest distance between hearts.” But what if a much longer figurative distance forges between the hearts?

Let's say you have entered a relationship with a heart brimming with love for your partner, and everything is hued with colors and rainbows. Your life is as bright as the morning sun and as feverishly romantic as the night sky bejeweled with starry orbs. You are sure you have found the missing piece of the puzzle because you both fit perfectly!

Suddenly, the season shifts, and you find yourself on the porch of geographical distance. For the first few months, the pain of the distance is too overwhelming because you are passing through the sudden hollowness that your partner's absence has created.

From spending almost all the time together to not being able to spend time together at all for months is an abrupt change. Gradually, the distance and time away from your partner gives you the arena to explore your heart and your needs. 

Is it okay to not want a long-distance relationship?

Long distance could be a daunting and revelatory experience for many couples. After having a long-distance relationship for some time, you might find yourself not wanting it, and people are usually very quick to tag such a person as selfish and unloving. 

You might have heard of the phrase, “Away from the eyes, away from the heart?” Some of us might truly understand the meaning of long-distance relationships. It does not mean you never loved your partner. While many won't agree, love is a dynamic entity kept alive through action and proximity.

It is completely okay if, at some point, you start feeling unsure and confused about the long-distance relationship you are in. However, it's not right to abruptly end it. It is advisable to discuss your frustrations or insecurities with your partner and work together to resolve the crux of the matter. If your struggle to redress the issues is not working at all, things will not see the light of day again, even if you grasp at straws. 

Do not stay stranded in a relationship that starts feeling like a burden rather than a joy. 

Even if you continue to paddle the boat with a heavy heart, it won't take you very far. You are bound to drown in the middle of the river. Unwanted relationships encroach on the heart and give rise to resentment and frustration. 

Why are long-distance relationships complicated even if you love each other?

Many couples indubitably overcome the hurdles of long-distance relationships, but some fail to. Failing in a long-distance relationship does not put a question mark on your love or sincerity. Long-distance relationships are contorted into webs of complications for many reasons:

  • Couples are unable to enjoy the little things and happiness of life.
  • Emotional support weans off with time and physical support is insatiable. 
  • Trust becomes a major issue when couples feel excluded from each other's social life. 
  • Conflicts take more work to be resolved virtually.
  • Virtual interaction starts feeling like an uphill task and you yearn for closeness.
  • Sexual unavailability gives rise to frustration and emotional distance.
  • Your goals and decisions do not align. 

How to tell someone you can’t stay in a long-distance relationship: 4 Ways

It's understandable if you feel jittery and get cold feet at the thought of a breakup. Nobody likes to break hearts or inflict pain, especially if your loved one is in question. But know that if nothing has worked out for you and your partner, parting ways would be for betterment. 

1. Do not wait for the right time

The longer you procrastinate breaking up aware of the irreparability of your relationship, the greater will be the before and after effects.

2. Be considerate and empathetic

Listen to your partner and do not brush off their feelings. Be logical but empathetic. Make them understand that the break-up would be as hurtful for you as for them, but it is for the “greater good.” Assure them that it’s not their mistake and you want to avoid more hurt in the future. 

3. Give closure to your partner

Do not leave them hanging by the thread in the hopes of your return. Give them a proper closure and let them move on with their life. 

4. Be firm and stick to your decision

Now that you have acted in the lights of the hurting events do not let the pain of your partner's suffering and your deep wounds deviate you. Time heals all wounds; what’s wrong is letting a wound be debrided again and again in the hopes of its disappearance. Don’t forget, you have made a big decision after weighing every pros and cons. 

5 Things to do

Breakups in a long-distance relationship hurt just as much as in a close relationship. Especially if love is still there, it gets painfully hard to stick to your decision. 

1. Live up to your decision

We often have to make the hardest choices in life for a brighter future. Remember, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. 

2. Let go of all your partner's belongings or gifts

Holding on to your partner’s belongings as cherished memoirs would only stimulate your memories and gnaw on your wounds. Either return them to your partner or donate them. Returning them would only prove your decision to your partner as firm and irreversible. 

3. Try not to be reminiscent and drown in hurt

Stop strolling down memory lane. If you are going to go back and forth to hurt yourself, what is the point of deciding for a better and less hurtful future? 

4. Explore your social life

Hanging around with friends and family would serve as a perfect detoxifier. Bundling yourself up in aloofness and seclusion would trigger your pain and make you have second thoughts. 

5. Do not hasten into a new relationship

To escape the pain, do not rush into a new relationship. Many people commit this mistake as a defense mechanism and then end up getting more hurt and remorseful.

Love is essential, but constant hurt and a bleak future should be battled with accordingly. Commend yourself for being fair to both yourself and the person you love.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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