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4 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Seems Distant and 6 Things To Do

Sophie Simons
February 4, 2024

Relationships aren’t always a walk in the park. There will be a few snags here and there, but communication is usually the key to resolving most issues. But, what do you do when your boyfriend suddenly becomes distant from you? Here’s what you should know.

4 Reasons He’s Becoming Distant

A lack of physical and emotional closeness from your partner can not only be alarming, but it could spell disaster for your relationship. But what could be the reasons he’s treating you differently than before?

1. He Has Other Problems

In a study presented at the British Psychological Society, they found that while women are heavily engrossed and immersed in their romantic relationships, men put themselves at a greater distance from both of their closest relationships, which are best friends and lovers.

Women prefer to be cooperative rather than in competition. However, men are often raised to be providers and problem solvers. If a family member or friend is sick or in trouble, or if they’re having problems at work or school, this may be what’s causing them a lot of stress and tension right now.

Try to think of any problems he might be dealing with, and see what ways you can support him.

2. Weighing the Relationship

It’s interesting that new research shows men are, across many cultures, often the first to say ‘I love you’ compared to their female counterparts. So, it may be that your boyfriend has gotten very attached to you or has realized how strong his feelings are for you.

This can be intimidating to a lot of guys, so they try to take a step back to see what they really want from you and the relationship. This distancing may then be a good thing since it shows he wants to take things seriously. If he is still trying to keep the relationship going, then it’s a good sign.

3. Interest in Someone Else

This may be the last thing you want to hear right now, but if it’s true that your man is interested in someone else, it’s better for you to tackle this issue sooner rather than later. Men were found to have a higher chance of wanting to be in an open or non-committed relationship, with many stating that they want to have options.

He may be having doubts about the relationship, whether you two are a good match, or he may have found another option for a partner. This is especially possible if the two of you have just started dating or may have recently had a rough time.

Try to think about whether he has mentioned anyone else or if you have been having some problems that weren’t resolved. You may want to brace yourself.

4. Wanting Independence

Research shows that men are often attracted to smarter and more capable women. However, this is only when they’re looking on from afar or haven’t developed a close relationship yet. So, once they get to know the lady better, they may often get intimidated or become less attracted.

Your man may want to have some alone time, hang out with the guys, or feel intimidated by your expectations and the pace of the relationship, which is why he may be putting some distance.

6 Things You Should Do 

Don’t panic! If you feel like he’s creating some distance between you, then there are some things you can do to make things better.

1. Don’t Push or Pull

If your boyfriend wants time and space, it may be best to give him what he wants. No matter how much you want to pull him back and never let go, this will only make things worse by making him feel constricted and trapped.

It will also definitely not help to push him away and kick him out of the relationship. Try to keep yourself calm and don’t lash out if he’s trying to figure things out on his own, as this may just be the way he gets things done.

2. Check Your Pace

Are you maybe rushing things? If you are infatuated with this guy, it makes sense that you would want to seal the deal or move things on to the next stage. Our brains literally reward us with feel-good chemicals when we see or stay with our special someone.

It even causes us to think and feel differently about ourselves, which is why it’s so jarring when we are away from them. However, have you maybe considered that you may already be going ahead of him while he feels he’s lagging? Take a deep breath and loosen up. We can’t force other people to be ready for something they’re not.

3. Encourage Him

Perhaps your boyfriend feels like he wants to be able to do things with his friends and loved ones, while still being in a loving relationship with you. In this case, it’s best to be there for him and let him enjoy his own experiences, as it’s important he has a life outside of you.

4. Develop Yourself

Being in love with someone and feeling dejected when they turn away from you is an incredibly powerful emotion that research suggests is similar to a hit of cocaine. You can become so dependent on your boyfriend for love and validation that you might forget you can give some love and time to yourself.

So, while he’s going off doing whatever he needs to do, it may be best to look inward. Take time out with other friends and loved ones, and work on your hobbies and interests as you wait for him to settle down.

5. Have a Heart-to-heart

Communication and connection are what make relationships stronger, so the best way to know how he really feels is to ask him. It might be difficult and scary to open that can of worms, but nothing will improve if you two aren’t on the same page.

Let him know that this is something that is bothering you, but that you’re willing to work with him if you know why he’s been so distant. 

6. Seek A Professional

If all else fails, it may be best to get intervention from a third party who is an expert at dealing with relationships, such as a therapist or a counselor.

Don’t be embarrassed about needing help, since we all need a little advice and push in the right direction. If your boyfriend still wants to try to make it work, then you can both seek help.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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