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4 Sure Signs You Are Wasting Time Trying To Get Your Ex Back

Sophie Simons
March 1, 2024

Love takes time, energy and work. It’s not easy. But even more difficult is when the effort isn’t enough and the relationship deteriorates. When you are ready for a breakup but instead believe there’s a chance the partnership can be saved, it can be devastating when your ex doesn’t feel the same.

In your mind, you know there’s nothing left you can do except move on. Still, your heart wants to make any effort to rekindle what you had despite knowing you’ll be wasting your time trying to get your ex back.

Until reaching the acceptance part of healing, you will bargain to find ways to get back into your former partner’s life, self-blame over the breakup, and get angry in each stage of grief. How long this lasts is different for everyone. A good rule of thumb is to gauge when your ex has clearly moved on and work more towards self-care.

You need to invest time in personal growth and finding genuine happiness instead of revisiting a one-sided relationship and chasing lost feelings

What Are The Signs You’re Wasting Time In Trying To Win Your Ex Back?

When your ex is not reciprocating your feelings to win them back, it’s time to consider moving on in the same way they are. Presently, you’re more invested in this relationship than your former partner. They have decided that the two of you didn’t work as a couple and are comfortable with that decision. 

While you might not agree with that decision, trying to get your ex back is merely wasting your time. In more ways than one, they’re making it clear you need to invest more time in working on yourself and finding happiness than chasing something that’s no longer available to you. Here are signs indicating that to be true.

1. Zero contact

When your ex has ended all forms of contact, that’s a big red flag that they are no longer invested in the partnership. It’s also a sign that trying to reconcile in any way will be futile. Whether you text, phone, post on your social networks, or other forms of messaging, these go unanswered.

You find this distressing and frustrating. It takes a toll on you emotionally since you had what was a happy relationship with wonderful memories and now you’re being blatantly ignored as though those times meant nothing. However, when you consider the circumstances, it needs to be this way to avoid misleading you. Cutting ties with a breakup is pretty standard.

They’re setting boundaries and these need to be respected. Your focus needs to direct your energy toward healing and moving on.

2. Moved on

The heartbreak with finding that your ex is moving forward with their life is difficult to deal with. You learn of them developing a new social circle, engaging in new activities, and even starting a new business. 

The milestones that used to be important to each of you go unnoticed. While you want to believe you’re still a consideration in their life, watching them enjoying a new life causes resentment and affects your self-esteem in ways you didn’t expect. You feel as though you wasted so much time in a relationship, but it’s important to consider it differently.

Each partnership, every experience, is a learning opportunity. You can take life lessons from the relationship and grow from it. You also have the chance to meet new people, try hobbies outside your comfort zone, and consider a career path you always wanted to follow. Invest in yourself, something you avoided when you were working on your relationship.

3. Mutual acquaintances are quiet

When a couple breaks up, mutual friends tend to try to work with each person to see if they can help. They can be a source of information about what’s happening with the other person, their feelings, how they’re coping, what they’re doing, and on. 

But if these acquaintances are not talking or are hesitant regarding your ex and their activities, it’s clear you’re wasting your time trying to get them back. The friends are likely vague to avoid hurting you further, but you feel as though you’re starting to be pushed out of the group. It could be a good thing, a step forward in distancing yourself from your ex.

The best thing to do is to avoid awkward situations with friends. Talk about anything but your old relationship and your ex. Instead, look for support from those unfamiliar with the partnership and the former partner.

4. The ex has a new mate

When you find out your ex is now committed to a new partner, it will be a heartbreaking realization. Your former partner will be building a life with someone and that world no longer includes you. It couldn’t be clearer that you should make no effort to rekindle what you had when they’re serious with someone else.

This is the stage of grief when you need to accept the partnership is over, begin to heal, and work toward finding personal happiness in other ways. Consider the fact that perhaps the two of you weren’t quite right for each other. Look at the partnership impartially to see where things might have gone wrong or if it just ran its course.

Perhaps one day down the road, you’ll run into each other and have a kind word, but until then, it’s good to leave it with no contact. Pack up memories, block emails, phone numbers, and messengers, delete social network profiles and any other form of contact, and avoid places that you used to frequent together.

It might even be a good idea to see mutual friends less often. Taking the reins in the healing process will allow a better opportunity for you to move forward healthily and happily.


Recognizing the signs that you’re wasting time trying to get back with your ex can be heartbreaking but it’s a critical part of the healing process, a step toward growth and moving forward in a more joyful place.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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