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10 Major Signs Your Boyfriend Is Gay

David Wilson
March 11, 2024

You would never have stumbled on this article if you had not smelled something fishy. The cat is still in the bag and we will help you rummage through the skepticism in your brain and try to put an end to the question you are asking yourself. “Is my boyfriend gay?”

Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation is the predisposition of being attracted to a particular gender or more than one gender. The attraction could be emotional, sexual, or romantic. According to scientific research, no gene in the human genome system determines sexual orientation. It is an innate quality and cannot be controlled or changed by the individual. 

Sexual orientation has been divided into many categories, of which the most commonly known and heard are heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual. Unbelievably enough, the sexual orientation of some people can change with time. For example, a heterosexual can turn into a homosexual and a homosexual can change into a heterosexual. 

Who is gay, and what does it mean to be gay?

A gay is someone who is attracted to the same gender. Routinely, gay refers to a man who is sexually and romantically drawn to other men, but it is a term that also encompasses women who are attracted to women. 

Gay men nowadays follow the lifestyle of their propensity. The malice and prejudice that used to surround unconventional sexual orientation have gradually waned off, and LGBTQ+ is celebrated and upheld by people around the globe.

But our society as a whole has not turned over a new leaf and some people still discriminate against the LGBTQ+ community. A fair few homosexuals conceal their unorthodox sexual orientation due to fear of rejection by their family and society. They date their opposite gender to assimilate themselves into society.

Having a different sexual orientation could be overwhelming for some individuals and they refuse to accept their uncommon sexual tendency.

10 Signs your boyfriend is a gay  

It would be unfair to label your boyfriend as gay based on his behaviors and preferences. Confirmation of sexual orientation is a rigorous process and only the person in question can determine their sexual orientation. So, if you are suspicious of your boyfriend’s sexual inclination, the best approach would be to have an open conversation with him. Give him the benefit of the doubt and do not let your suspicions cloud your judgement. 

However, we are enlisting some indicators that can help you figure out if your boyfriend could be gay.

1. He eludes sexual intimacy with you

Your boyfriend does not crave intimacy with you and, most of the time, has a train of excuses or engagements tagging behind him to avoid sexual intimacy. Either he has no time, is tired, or is down in the dumps. Of the times he does get sexually intimate with you, it feels like he does not enjoy having sex. 

2. He shows no interest in women

Men have this inherent tendency to be attracted to enticing women. This comes more as an impulse than desire. Women with a humungous sexual appeal attract men like a magnet. Even if you have a loyal boyfriend, and he does not flutter an eyelash and mundanely looks past even sexually provocative women, this could be a worrisome sign. 

3. He tries to be unnecessarily tactile with males

You have noticed your boyfriend tries to be on feel-touch terms with other men. He looks for opportunities to get cozy with his male friends and is excessively intimate with his gender in public.  

4. He flirts with males

You have been keeping a meticulous check on his conversations and involvement with other men and it leads to one inference, “Your boyfriend genuinely flirts with other men!” This could be one of the biggest red flags to deduce that your boyfriend is gay. 

5. His social media has a lot of gays

When the seed of doubt gets embedded in the mind, the detective in you is bound to jump to the forefront. You are keeping track of his social media and have found your boyfriend following too many gay men and his friend list has more than the usual number of gay men. 

6. Past relationships

If your boyfriend has been in a sexual relationship with men before, this could be a red flag. However, the desire for different sexual experiences does not define sexual orientation. Many people seek experimental sexual experiences just to extinguish their curiosity to experience novelty and variety or to discover their sexual tendencies.

Straight men and women can both get sexually involved with their gender for the above reasons. But if he has dated a lot of men in the past, this could be a pointer towards his homosexuality. 

7. Inflated compassion for the LGBTQ+ community

The LGBTQ+ community has garnered masses over the years and it has numerous steadfast followers all over the world. If your boyfriend shows above-normal and extremely intense compassion for this community, it could mean he is part of it.

His conversations many times revolve around how this community is forced to stay hidden and is afraid to show itself to the world due to fear of rejection and hate. He constantly talks about the violation of their rights and stands up for them everywhere. His intense reactions may be out of self-compassion

8. His behavior and fashion tastes have changed

Effimination does not mean that a man is gay. Effeminacy is not dependent on sexual orientation and straight men can portray womanish traits. But if your boyfriend’s behavior and preference for appearance have suddenly changed and he is showing other mentioned signs, this could mean he is gay or his sexual orientation has recently changed.  

9. Reticent behavior and social life

He shows secretive behavior and wants personal space all the time. He is reluctant to let you in on his social media tabs and threads. Many times, he evades telling you of his whereabouts and his social commitments.

10. He watches gay porn

Everyone watches porn, and watching lesbian or gay porn does not identify you as the same. But if your boyfriend watches only gay porn and enjoys it more than necessary, this could be a caveat. 


However, the word of the wise will be to confront your boyfriend and have a lengthy talk with him to put your mind to rest. Every issue needs to be discussed and sorted out. It is foolish to keep making shots in the dark without facing the core of the issue. You have to put aside your cynicism and be practical about the situation. 

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David Wilson

David Wilson

David Wilson is a skilled clinical psychologist dedicated to enhancing lives through healing and growth. Specializing in empowering clients to overcome challenges, he offers personalized therapy that fosters emotional well-being and resilience. With a compassionate approach, David guides individuals on their journey to discover self-awareness, develop coping strategies, and find lasting happiness. Trusted and revered, he is committed to making a positive impact and nurturing positive change in every life he touches.

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