When you start dating someone, the sexual chemistry is all-encompassing. Neither of you can think of anything else. The downside of this part of love and relationships is it’s not sustainable. Eventually, you develop a familiarity and life blends into the partnership. As time passes, you begin to wonder what happened to that sexual chemistry.
When your partner leaves subtle hints that you are inattentive or have stopped touching them, it begs the question of whether you’re no longer sexually attracted to them. The time spent sitting for hours in deep conversation, hanging on each word, has faded. Flowers, dinners, and romance, in general, have given way to silence and grabbing a bite on the way home from a long day.
While the memories from the way it used to be still pop into your mind from time to time, you’re not sure if all of this means you’ve truly lost your sexual chemistry with your partner or if it’s just the normal progression of a relationship, how life takes its toll. We’ll review some tell-tale signs that reveal that sexual attraction is missing and what you should do to try to resolve the problem.
Sexual attraction is high at the beginning of a relationship. You’re just getting to know each other, making each experience new and exhilarating. You can’t wait for each moment that you get to spend together. The problem is that you will become familiar over time; the newness will fade, and life will creep in.
When you have a committed, exclusive partnership or get married, it takes a lot of work to keep that spark as brilliant and vibrant as those first days together. Once you stop trying, you risk losing that sexual attraction for your partner. You become complacent. What are signs this is happening to you? Let’s learn.
Romance has taken a backseat. You might have come in at the end of the day in the beginning with fresh flowers, a warm smile, a nice embrace, and a passionate kiss. For the fire to stay in a marriage, that effort needs to continue. Over time, it might seem like that’s just too much to keep up with, considering life’s hectic pace.
However, in the same way you prioritized your partner when you started the relationship, that should always be the case. While you might believe your sexual chemistry is dead, it doesn’t have to be. You can rekindle your romance by doing things you used to do to make your partner feel loved.
Start by coming home with that same warm smile and hug you used to have showing your happiness to see them. It lets your mate know you missed them after a long day. Instead of grabbing a bite on the way home, invite your partner to dinner where you can enjoy a conversation like you haven’t had in a while. These are small efforts but it’s a beginning.
You never initiate sex anymore. You appear bored and unexcited by the idea or you excuse yourself by saying you’re just too tired. The attraction and chemistry that was once undeniable has come to a standstill for you. While your partner is still trying to put effort into the partnership and your sex life, you simply have no interest.
It’s not that you don’t love your mate. Love and sex are two very separate and distinct ideas. But you are just not interested in sex, nor are you willing to make an effort to find ways to make it interesting so you do enjoy it. As mentioned, love and sex take a lot of work. It’s not easy to maintain a spark.
You have to try and that can mean kicking up the heat in the bedroom. Work together to find things that make it exciting for both of you. Maybe try different techniques, bring in sex toys, and definitely communicate. The only way you can fix what’s happening is to have an open, honest, and vulnerable conversation about your lack of sexual desire.
Your quality time is never spent alone with your partner. For you an evening with just the two of you is boring; it lacks excitement. You don’t know what kind of activities to do or how to keep the evening entertaining. That never used to be a problem. Before, the two of you only wanted to spend time alone with no distractions or disruptions.
You would take long walks on the beach, close down restaurants as you talked for hours, and cuddle on the couch while having movie night on a Friday evening. Now you can’t think of one thing you want to do in each other’s company. Maybe the old activities won’t feel the same as they once did, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try something new.
Perhaps you could prepare dinner at home together and then enjoy it over candlelight, a new tradition. The cooking would give you a starter for your dinner conversation and the activity would last well into the evening. If you live in the city, take a walk to the theater and enjoy a dinner show.
You can talk about what you’ll see on the walk and enjoy dinner while the show is happening so you don’t have to be concerned about a conversation while dining.
All these steps take work; relationships and marriages take a lot of work. But that’s what keeps the spark that’s there in the beginning burning. If you want to rekindle the sexual attraction, you need to put work into bringing it back. That means being attentive, showing affection, spending time together alone, uninterrupted.
You can feel sorry for yourself that time has faded what you once had, or you can do something about it. It will involve a fresh, new approach to romancing your partner, but wouldn’t that make it more interesting and exciting? We would think so.
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