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Why Does My Mom Not Love Me?

Sophie Simons
December 16, 2023

Emotional bonding is essential in every relationship. If you are emotionally validated and find comfort and a sense of belonging in a relationship, you naturally feel more inclined and bonded to that person. The relationship in question could be your spouse, your sibling, your girlfriend/boyfriend, your friend, or your parents. Parents make up the biggest chunk of their child’s personality, especially the mothers.

The warmth of a mother's love is felt in her care and affection for her children. However, sometimes young and adult children alike come to a stage where they start questioning the love their mothers hold for them in their hearts. 

Possible Sings That Your Mom Doesn't Love You

Maternal love is the first form of love that a child feels. While it is not rare for children to not form a deep emotional bond with their mothers, their innocent character is still carved and honed through their mother's love and attention. 

Below are some of the possible signs you might see that make you question your mother’s love for you.

1. Your mother finds faults in you

No matter what you do, from the types of clothes you wear to your interests and disinterests, your mother criticizes everything. Even if you put all your eggs in one basket to be a good child to your mother and be the version she likes, she still ends up finding faults in you. She disregards you to the point where you feel she hates even your existence. 

2. Your achievements never make her happy

Your school grades and your co-curricular or extracurricular accomplishments never satisfy her. She overlooks your need to be commended and rewarded and instead either pushes you to achieve even greater success or ridicules your potential by challenging it.

She looks down upon your accomplishments and gives you a dressing down for being insufficient in other areas of your studies or activities. 

3. She belittles you in front of others

Your self-esteem is tarnished in family or public gatherings time and again at the hands of your mother. She criticizes you and rebukes you even when you are not at fault. The constant criticism plays the role of a parasite that slowly eats your dignity and leaves you questioning your worth and importance. 

4. She is never considerate towards you

She never validates your feelings and needs. Her lack of attention and love makes you question your self-worth. You struggle to form close relationships with others due to a lack of maternal love. 

5. Your pain and distress do not bother her

May it be physical or emotional pain, your mother overlooks them both. Either she does not tend to you in ill health or leaves you at the mercy of house help or your siblings.

6. She never gives you time and attention

Her schedule is never free for you. Even when she is not a working woman, she refuses to give you time and cater to your needs. 

7. She gaslights your need for affection

When you try to communicate her lack of emotional involvement and love for you, instead of accepting her flaws, she holds you responsible for her behavior. She censures you for being an unloving and inconsiderate child. 

8. She shows favoritism to your siblings

Your mother is always singing praises of your siblings. She keeps reminding you of your inadequacies and compares you with her favorite child. Your resentment towards your mothers keeps growing, making you hate both your siblings and parents. 

9. You are scared of her

She is habitually rebuking you for every small thing and sometimes for no reason at all. You are reproached to a point where even facing her scares you. Occasionally, she is not even hesitant to be physically abusive. 

6 Possible Reasons

You could get your emotional needs neglected and abused to the extent that you find yourself scrutinizing your self-worth. You eventually start exploring the possible reasons behind your mother's detestation towards you.

Human behavior and emotions can be perceived by delving deeper into the human psyche, which has countless faces and various interpretations. 

1. Narcissism

Narcissism is not regarded as a mental health condition. It might not appear serious, but it can slowly undermine the personality of both the offender and the sufferer. Your mother could be suffering from narcissism and she is too blinded by her assumption of self-perfection.

She finds pleasure in proving she is superior to you and attains fulfillment in controlling your life. You would want to read your mother more closely. A narcissistic person tends to display narcissistic behavior with everyone around them!

2. Lack of good parenting 

Not every mother knows good parenting. Good parenting is about learning your child's love language, being active in their lives, showing them love and warmth, and being patient with them. Your mother could be acting negatively unwittingly because she does not know how to be a good parent.

3. Mental trauma or stress

Your mother could be suffering from depression or some mental trauma, and she is not sharing it with anyone. Her stress could be the reason for the negative energy around her, which traps you and makes you suffer with her.  

4. She does not know any better

A love that is not displayed properly or a love that is lacking in some factors is different from the absence of love. Maybe your mother was never taught to love deeply. Maybe her love language is hard for you to fathom. She is not able to give you the type of love you expect from her and loves you in ways you detest.  

5. Inadequate personal ties

She was never taught to celebrate successes and praise others. Her incapability to love could be an outcome of a traumatic and lonely childhood. 

6. Inadvertent favoritism

 Mothers could form emotional connections of varying intensities with their children. Your mother could be inadvertently leaning towards your other siblings more due to a deeper emotional connection. You can convey your feelings of neglect and communicate your shortcomings to her. 

Conclusion

Even though it is highly unlikely for a mother to not love her child at all, there are cases where a mother could love her child less than other children and be unfair towards them. Communicating your feelings to her, looking for possible reasons, and making an effort to understand her side could resolve your issues with your mother. 

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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