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I Want To Leave My Boyfriend but I Love Him: What To Do?

Sophie Simons
February 6, 2024

Perhaps you’ve been in love with your boyfriend for a while now, and at first, things were great, but lately, you’ve been wondering if you’ve made the right decision. Maybe he’s just not the same person you thought he was when you first fell in love with him.

Maybe something is just off. If you truly love your boyfriend but have started to think that leaving is the answer, then read on and see if you can come to a solution.

Is it Normal to Love Someone and Still Want to Leave Them?

It is normal to love someone and still have questions about whether or not the relationship is the right move for you. Many people will share that though they love their boyfriend, they still have doubts in the back of their minds. People need a wide variety of things in a relationship to make them happy and sometimes love is just not enough to make a person want to stay.

Here is a list of 9 common reasons why you might want to leave him even though you love him:

  1. Abuse or Neglect.
  2. Mental Health Issues and/or Addictions
  3. Trust Issues
  4. Communication Issues
  5. Incompatibility
  6. Different Expectations
  7. Disproportionate Growth Rates
  8. Money Issues
  9. Boredom

The previous list is not exhaustive, and you may have your own reasons that are not on the list. That is perfectly normal. You may feel as though you are going crazy, but many people go through similar issues in their own relationships.

What’s important is that you spend some time really getting to know your true emotions and thoughts toward your relationship and making a sound decision to leave or stay.

Should I Leave My Boyfriend Even if I Love Him?

There’s a wise old adage that says: “nobody knows you like you know yourself.” That is never more true than when trying to decide whether or not to sever ties with someone you deeply care about. However, you may find an advantage in talking with either close friends and family or a therapist to help you make up your mind. Sometimes, other people can see things from a fresh outside perspective that you may miss. 

When weighing the pros and cons of leaving, there are a few scenarios that are very difficult to ignore. 

Abuse and neglect are definitely at the top of the list. If you have found yourself in a relationship with someone who is abusive  (even in the slightest) or extremely neglectful of your boundaries or feelings, then you or your loved ones may wonder why it’s not easier for you to just walk away.

People stay in abusive relationships for a number of reasons. Sometimes, the financial situation may make it difficult; sometimes, it is a matter of self-worth and wondering if you could find someone again. If you suspect you are being abused, please seek the guidance of a domestic violence therapist.

Also at the top of the cons list for staying in a relationship is trust issues. Whether cheating has occurred or not, sometimes one or both partners may have a hard time trusting the other. Some trust issues can be worked through with a little (or a lot of) professional help, but sometimes trust issues are just too deep and strong to overcome. You or your boyfriend’s particular reasons for feeling untrustworthy will go far in making this decision.

3 Things to Consider Before Making a Decision

You obviously don’t want to just jump head-first in dumping your boyfriend, or you wouldn’t be reading this article. Even if you’ve been thinking about leaving for a long time, you may be hesitating to just walk on out, and for good reason. Making a decision to end your relationship could mean a huge change in your life, especially if you live together, share finances, or have a child together. 

Here are 3 huge things that you may want to consider before making your final decision.

  1. Have you carefully weighed the pros and cons of leaving versus the pros and cons of staying? Does one side seem to outweigh the other? If necessary, have you sought the opinions of loved ones or a professional to help you decide?
  2. If you live together, do you have a safe place to stay lined up? You don’t want to use someone just for their financial support, but you also don’t want to walk out just to find yourself homeless. Likewise, you may be able to work out a break-up that still results in co-sharing your home if both parties can agree to the terms.
  3. If you have a child or pet together, you may wish to seek legal counsel before leaving. Depending on where you live, there may be some specific laws pertaining to the custodial arrangement between unmarried parents.

3 Ways of Breaking Up With Your Boyfriend Even if You Love Him

If you have decided that leaving your boyfriend is the best decision you could make in this difficult time, you may be wondering next about the best way to do so. The previous list of things to consider may weigh heavily on the manner in which you choose to leave.

For example, having to physically move out of a home you share with a partner is a lot different from ending things with someone with whom you live separately.

Here 3 possible ways you may wish to break up with your boyfriend:

  1. Write a “Dear John” letter, either in text or by hand. If you choose to text, be aware that your soon-to-be ex may not take it as seriously as a hand-written letter. You might want to list out the reasons why you are leaving him, or you can opt for brevity.
  2. Tell him to his face that you want to end things. If you choose to go the direct route, rehearse with a friend or the mirror and be prepared for a strong reaction out of him, or no reaction at all if he’s been having similar concerns.
  3. If you have a good reason not to contact him at all, you might choose to have a friend or family member of either yours or his to be the go-between. In extreme circumstances, this may be the safest and most comfortable option.

Well done on taking the time to be thorough about this crucial decision in your life. Hopefully, now you have a better idea as to whether or not you want to break up with your boyfriend and, if so, the avenue you wish to take to do it. Good luck, regardless of what you choose.

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Sophie Simons

Sophie Simons is a leading psychologist with a passion for enriching relationships. Through empathetic counseling and insightful guidance, she empowers couples and individuals to foster deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and create lasting harmony. Sophie's expertise in relationship advice has touched countless lives, making her a trusted source for building fulfilling partnerships.

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