It’s unfortunate in the world we live in that men feel they can’t be themself but instead need to portray someone they’re not in order to be accepted by society. As a close friend, family member, or even a girlfriend, there’s a host of behavioral clues that could suggest that a man is not forthcoming with their sexuality.
“Closeting” or hiding your authentic self is the result of societal pressure. Many are of the mindset that men and women naturally pair in couples; it’s the “default” causing gay men to wear this mask to accommodate this societal standard. Some things people do simply because everyone else is doing it, like being right-handed or learning to do so.
Initially, when meeting a guy, it can be difficult to know whether a guy is straight or gay. You won’t know much about the many until you spend time with them. If you’re a family member, you’re too familiar and it wouldn’t be something that you would fathom despite the possible signs.
When you really pay attention, it is possible to see the signs that a man is merely pretending to be straight. Something will give you a hint, the notion, before you take the time to take the time to observe his behavior. Let’s explore some of the signs a guy is not being his authentic self with you.
You might initially believe that he has a passion for strength training or working out but his social network feeds and other media is focused on male bodybuilding photos. If he were a fan or followed the career of one in particular, that could be more readily explained. It’s more difficult to understand when these are virtually everywhere.
That doesn’t mean you should go snooping through his things to see if he has a stash of semi-nude male models in different files throughout his phone or follow him to see if he attends shows in his spare time. But if you come across these inadvertently, it can be a sign that he has more interest in men than he does in women.
If he were ready to discuss it, he would share his interest, but keeping them hidden shows he’s not ready to reveal his secret yet. It’s better to let him come to you, that is, unless this is a husband or boyfriend. Then, you have a vested interest.
If you’re a close friend or family member, you might start to notice that the guy dates very seldom. If you’re a girlfriend, he might reveal that you’re one of few women he’s dated and he will likely be less affectionate than what you’re used to with other guys. If you find out he’s experimented with another man, and it can be a strong sign that he still has feelings for men.
It can also indicate that he wasn’t honest before the two of you started dating. When someone isn’t’ truthful about something big or small, it’s likely they’ll lie repeatedly about other things. And it’s very possible for the person to end up cheating on the relationship. That can include being with men behind your back.
You can either have an open, honest discussion about how you feel and end the romantic relationship in favor of a friendship or cut ties altogether.
Dating apps for the LGBTQ community weren’t available in the recent past, but it’s possible for same-sex couples to find these on the market nowadays. If you’re dating someone and find out they’re on one of these dating apps, it’s a blatant sign they’re pretending to be straight with you. This is something you need to approach him with as the person dating him.
It’s no different than a straight guy using dating apps when seeing a woman. It’s a betrayal of your trust, but this is on a whole other level because he got involved in a relationship with you with no intention of seeing it through. However, some men do go as far as marrying women to meet the societal norm while sneaking around with men behind their back.
These women are clueless about the marriages producing families and going on for years with no indication until the man ultimately is either found out or decides he can’t go on with the lie any longer.
While many people are becoming more accepting of homosexual individuals, many men prefer to avoid making friends with gay men. Therefore, gay men have more female than male friends. Straight men are of the mindset that gay guys are interested in only sex instead of merely developing a friendship.
If you notice the person you’re seeing only has a few male friends, it’s worth questioning. He could be pretending that he’s straight by dating you. Other men, however, recognize his sexuality and avoid his friendship.
It’s natural for most couples to have sex a couple times in a week which is healthy as it relieves stress and pressures from a hectic life pace. When a man denies sex or isn’t initiating the opportunity, it’s a sign that he’s not interested in heterosexual intercourse. If he can’t develop an erection when you engage in foreplay, it’s also a sign that he’s pretending to be straight.
As children we’re raised with the norms of society ingrained into us which can, for some, present internal conflicts. That’s especially true if who you are goes against those beliefs. In that instance, gay men find the decision to hide their authentic self the better choice than to face any possible repercussions from the outside world.
If you’re dating a man that you believe is pretending to be straight to go along with what is expected of him, try to have an open, honest discussion. Show him empathy so he recognizes he’s not being judged but accepted and encouraged to accept himself.
In these situations, the path to self-discovery should be paved with kindness and understanding so men understand there’s no reason to hide.
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