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8 Key Signs You Have a Toxic Daughter-in-Law

David Wilson
March 8, 2024

In-law relationships are undoubtedly sensitive to deal with, as they are very delicate and need peculiar consideration. And you relate to this, right? 

According to Frontiers, they are like vehicles that work with mutual valuation and cooperation.

Well, we all know that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a tricky business that needs a lot of patience. 

Sometimes, the mother-in-law has strict behavior, and at times, the new girl who came from another family has toxic traits.

Whether the mother-in-law is a bad apple or the daughter-in-law is an egotist, the ultimate consequence is a horrible family environment.

This type of surrounding causes mental strain on every family member; it should be pointed out and rectified timely. Overall, we can’t precisely understand the problem as people’s behavior is complex to grasp. 

Keep reading to explore the signs to see if your daughter-in-law is actually toxic or if you are simply over-assuming situations. 

How To Tell If Your Daughter-in-law Is Toxic — 8 Signs

Sometimes, as parents, you can’t control the partners your children decide to settle on. It could result in a toxic relationship that affects your children and the bosom of your family. 

To comprehend whether the abnormality in behavior is occasional (due to some stress) or a daily grind, you must be extra careful.

Let’s dig into the signs or indications that can confirm the toxicity of your daughter-in-law. 

1. Not Inclined Towards Making a Successful Bond 

If your daughter-in-law is not interested in knowing the family members and traditions, she is definitely uninterested in developing a good bond with her husband’s family. 

If she does not try to fit into the family and does not understand the set rules and likings of the family elders, then this new addition to your family might be vulnerable.

She is new to the family; no envy from the past should force her to act like that.

2. Selfishness 

We often hear this phrase and generally use it for children so they can learn something. And this famous phrase is no other but “Don’t be selfish.“

It has been undeniably impressed upon millions of people, generation after generation.

But what if you unfortunately get to interact with someone who doesn’t even know how to be selfless and always thinks of himself/herself?

A strong woman prioritizes herself and her responsibilities but is on the wrong path if this consideration hurts others.

Being selfish for any daughter-in-law is not affordable; she is the one who nurtures the house and makes the environment comforting and cultivating. 

A primary difference between self-caring and a selfish daughter-in-law is affection. 

If she warmly welcomes your decisions and family traditions or politely suggests changes, she is a wonderful daughter-in-law; otherwise, she is toxic.

3. Defensive Nature 

Being defensive isn’t wrong, but yes, having an excessively defensive nature can be a concern.

If your daughter-in-law is not accepting her mistakes and blaming others for her shortcomings, it ultimately suggests she is not a perfect match.

Such people always play defensive and never bear a word on their performance or intention. 

This can cause a severe problem for you and your son because such personalities are offensive and careless. 

4. Controlling Nature

No one deserves to be controlled by any other person, right? 

So, if your daughter-in-law tries to hold every situation and wants to mold everyone toward her preferences, she absolutely has a toxic instinct in her. 

This happens because she wants to be superior, and such people try to satisfy their ego by troubling others. 

She attempts to misuse her authority and dominate everyone in the home.

Perhaps she likes everyone to go her way, and this causes serious conflicts among family members. It is inappropriate behavior that you cannot tolerate.

5. Openly Hostile

Another trait of a noxious daughter-in-law is that she always opens up conflicts and is openly hostile. 

She seems uncomfortable and furious around you and ignores you when you try to talk to her. Obviously irritating!

She treats you like a problem and a disliked person and attempts to avoid you and even your shade.

And to top it off, she makes fun of you, treats you like a joke, and never listens to your advice and suggestions, even if they are reliable.

6. Prefers Her Side of Relatives

It’s a great thing for your daughter-in-law to favor her parents and give them respect. 

But she is forcing your son and grandchildren to spend more time with her parents to make you feel belittled.

This is a big sign of toxicity and denial. You need to be careful while handling this problem as you are fighting for the sake of your son and grandchildren. 

She barely spends Thanksgiving or Christmas with you and just sends a wishing card to wish you.

You realize that now that your son is coupled, it’s essential for him to focus on his wife’s family, too, but what pulls you is that he has ignored you and never revealed any attraction in hanging out with you.

7. Incredibly Unpredictable

She continuously shifts from being friendly to being rude to you. Living with a daughter-in-law, you may experience this behavior, which is no doubt irritating and offensive. 

Her behavior mostly depends upon the people around you. If you are alone with her, she will be disrespectful and unbearable.

But in front of the guests or your son, she will be a nice, chumming person with you. Or maybe when she needs you for some sort of personal benefit. 

This switch in behavior will be really confusing for you. She blows hot and cold, and you are a silent, victimized spectator. 

8. Manipulates The Truth

Does she try to do everything that ruins your balance of mind and induces you to get upset with your life and stay away from your son? This can leave you in a never-ending battle.

She may even mislead you into accepting you two can’t see eye to eye when she provokes the rift — persuading everyone that you are the reason for this contrived relationship.

If she keeps tackling every problem emotionally and tries to show herself as an innocent sufferer, the conflict will certainly arise at a particular point due to her stubborn nature.

When a daughter-in-law is toxic, she also blames you for every conflict between her and your son and even for backbiting. 

Key Takeaways 

Research reveals that 57% of Canadian adults believe that they somewhat agree that marriage is a genuine commitment, which means in-laws play an important role as well.

But sometimes, you must tolerate things because you cannot switch, and the same goes for you. 

If the situation is not worse, you need to accept your daughter-in-law as she is and be nice to her to avoid severe conflicts that can cause separation. 

What you can do is just let it go; although it hurts and causes mental pressure on you, you need to be patient.   

Hoping for a change in a toxic and vulnerable person is pointless — you will just invite disappointments. 

So be contented with what you have and try to fix things politely! 

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David Wilson

David Wilson

David Wilson is a skilled clinical psychologist dedicated to enhancing lives through healing and growth. Specializing in empowering clients to overcome challenges, he offers personalized therapy that fosters emotional well-being and resilience. With a compassionate approach, David guides individuals on their journey to discover self-awareness, develop coping strategies, and find lasting happiness. Trusted and revered, he is committed to making a positive impact and nurturing positive change in every life he touches.

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