Your relationship officially ended, but you kept in touch, and now he says he still loves you. Or maybe he came back out of the blue telling you he realized you are the one. Or maybe there is some other complex and complicated way in which your ex-partner makes the disturbing statement that he wants you back.
What are you supposed to do, and how could one manage such a situation? Breathe in, breathe out, set your emotions aside, and try to solve the love puzzle by learning more about how attachment frameworks function.
Even simple words can mean a whole array of different things, depending on who and in what context is using them. The situation gets more complicated when the word is love, and the person using it is your past partner.
To put it simply, when your ex comes back saying he loves you, it can mean anything from the fact that he’s bored and needs some action to the total shift of perspective in which he grew up and decided to really commit to a serious relationship with you. It would be highly unethical to make suppositions on what the statement itself means without knowing all the details.
Has he done this before? How long has it been since your relationship is officially over? Why did you break up, and how do you feel about it? Is he a mature enough person or is he childish? Can he be trusted?
All these are questions that probably already linger in your thoughts. Primarily, you should try to take a step back and see the picture clearly. Since you are reading this, you probably haven’t taken a decision as of yet, and nor should you hurry towards one.
Talk to him, talk to your trusted ones, talk to your reason and your soul before deciding which is the next move. The first and most important aspect, however, is to decide if what he’s saying is true and complete or if it’s just another superficial momentary mood.
Telling somebody you love them after the relationship has ended is not a disease, so there are no definitive signs and symptoms of it. But there are some possible indications that he is still into you and that he’s serious about it:
This means he doesn’t only text or call on a Friday night after a couple of beers with his friends, but that he does so on a frequent basis. Of course, this doesn’t mean he should be obsessed with you, but rather calm and sincere in his wish to be around you.
If he just wants to see you smile without asking for something in return, he might be your guy. Unconditioned attention and care are the basic prerequisites for true love.
In case the break-up was just a silly moment and your ex has eyes just for you, it could be a strong sign that he really loves you and his heart is yours.
Your overall well-being should come before his momentary desires – this is not only love but basic human decency. So if he is patient and sincere in his wish to see you happy, if he can take “no” for an answer, then you can trust his feelings.
Give yourself enough time to process all your emotions before any attempt to understand somebody else’s real emotions.
A relationship is not about who’s guilty and who’s the victim but rather about the dynamic between two human beings. There is plenty of relationship advice out there, Esther Perel being probably the most famous voice when it comes to it.
Maybe your families were part of your lives, or maybe you have a common friend who loves you both. The quote goes that it takes a village to raise a child; I’d say maybe sometimes it takes a community to keep a couple. Don’t be afraid to let it out, and make sure to keep around those people who really love you.
Getting over a break-up is never easy, nor is it to let things go. The main point is, in the end, to make a decision, commit to it, and ask the other to respect it. Whether you decide to get back or not, once the decision has been made, try your best and make sure to keep the case closed.
If you decide to give it another try, you will both have to forgive and forget so that your new relationship can start afresh. If you decide his feelings are not true or if you are unsure about your own feelings, then let him go and set both of you free.
The important aspect here is to stick to your decision and just move forward. One way or another, but always forward.
Just because he said he loves you? No. Does he actually love you? If you also love him, of course. When you consider going back, it is good to remember why it didn’t work out from the start. But this doesn’t mean that things should be rigid – relationships, just like human beings, change and evolve.
You might be just longing for the good old times. In this situation, getting back together might not be a solution. The past is always just the past, and there is no other way to go than towards the future.
However, if your new beginning is a step forward and you both feel the break-up was just a hard lesson for your relationship, then maybe it’s worth giving it another try. Don’t urge yourself into a toxic relationship, but don’t let him go in case you two were meant for each other. It’s never easy, but who said it should be?
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